Kelantan Launches It's First Starbucks

Anybody up for air moka ais kurang manis?

Shedding Blood In Dewan Filharmonik Petronas

No there weren't any riots going on there. I paid a visit to DFP last thursday to watch a dance drama. I always go there to watch concerts only and i also had the chance to perform there once. Hik. Yeah it was a really great honour. But I've yet to watch a dance drama there so of course i was very excited.

The show for the night was entitled Raja Bersiong (which simply means "The Fanged Sultan" yeah, something like a male pontianak with royal blood. So diva.) This Raja Bersiong is actually a traditional Malay folklore.





In a nutshell, its about a palace maid who accidentally cut her finger while preparing a dish for the Sultan and her blood accidentally dripped into the dish. But the stupid maid still served the Sultan the dish anyway; and for some weird reasons, he actually tasted the blood and became addicted to it. Pfffttt. How can anyone get addicted to blood. I've tasted it myself before. Not that nice also. Can't the Sultan be addicted to nicer things?! Folklores are so stoopid sometimes.

So anyway, the Sultan then commanded the maid to drip blood into all his dishes. His cravings for blood got stronger until he started killing people to drink their blood and soon enough he grew fangs (oooh....SO SCARY!! I'm shivering in fear as i'm typing now. Pffttt); hence the unglamorous name Raja Bersiong. See the Raja Bersiong actor...so horror, padan the character.

So back to the show. As soon as i stepped into the hall, i was rather dissapointed to see the dull looking set. Whole damn thing was just symetrical patterns of brownish grey in colour. I've desigend better sets for my school production lor seriously. Only later i came to find out from friends saying that their set is memang those style all along one.



Thankfully, the performance made it all up to compensate the horror looking set. I was really blown away by the impressive soundtrack and the best part of the show has to be their superb choreography. The steps were an intricate blend of traditional and contemporary steps. The results? Fabulousness!! The steps were very creative and all the dancers were spot on. Hardly any visible mistakes and the main casts did a fantastic job as well. Tu lah power pondan katanyer. Fonen Fonens are natural dancers you know.

So am i going to support their next production?? DEFINATELY!! The price is also bloody reasonable lor. I got really really good seats for RM20 only. Anybody also can afford. And i think you ols should attend and expose yourselves too. To the culture and beauty of performing arts you pervert. Nobody hadap to see you naked in DFP lah. Except for you Ken Watanabe, my hemsem Mr. Chairman. I'd love to see you naked. Anywhere. Biler you nak beli Mizuagay mak??

Mak rela nyah...

The HL Milk Massacre

Lau Niang: How old are you??

Chatter: 30

Lau Niang: Wah lau!! Why you look like 18?! You botox izzit? (I'm serious...the guy look bloody young!)

Chatter: Wah...why your mouth so bad one?

Lau Niang: This is me being very polite already. Consider yourself lucky i good mood tonight. So what's your secret? Share share lah.....

Chatter: Oh i drink milk every day. That's why my skin so smooth.....

Lau Niang: Milk??? Really ah?? Milk good for skin meh? I thought good for bones only. But my bones very healthy. Everyday i get boner also....

Chatter: Ha ha h aha!! You dun believe me you try yourself lah....



So......milk is good for the skin says the lil' birdie. If drink milk can cantik....mak rela, nyah. But how....i hate milk to my guts. Don't you think milk is damn smelly? You know why baby smells? Coz they drink milk. That's why.

So i sat down and think and think and think. There must be a way that i can swallow milk. Think, lau niang think..........DING!! There's actually a brand that i can digest.

*Feels excited and runs to the nearest Kiosk*

TADAA!! Susu lemak rendah jenama HL. This milk got vanilla taste and its not smelly like other brands one. Yay.....i'm a drinking HL everyday and Lau Niang is going to be chantik like Ms World soon.

*Pours milk into a tiny cup to test test water*

Yeeech.....why the milk yellow yellow one?! Is it expired?? Is this condensed milk?? I bought wrongly ker? Since when HL got condensed milk one?

* Drinks yellow milk in 1 gulp anyway*


Dies a miserable death....poisoned.

*Checks milk carton thoroughly*

Tiu nia sing KNNCCB WTF!!!! Banana flavoured milk?! What the heck is banana milk?! And look at how they labeled the box....just printed on one tiny corner....who would have noticed?! Damn bloody misleading lor!!

What if i'm allergic to bananas?! I can die you know. Mr. HL should have printed a huge ass banana picture on the box and put a for-fear-factor-lovers-only warning on it!

Not only i was conned of my RM4.90, i nearly died of poisoning some more. So horror okeh. Cis cis cis....never ever buy anything with banana in it. Bananas are meant to be sucked eaten raw!

so umm......i have 3/4 box of banana milk left.....anyone interested???

Perhaps Love (?)

Hello u ols.......sorry i was late a few mins for my current post. Lau Niang so busy lately. You know, with all the festive seasons on and off all the time, shopping can be a very daunting task you know. Kerja Mak shopppppping jer....no time to eat even. I is busy woman on the run gitue.

So this would my 1st post for the year 2008. Nice nice. I think most of everyone should have a "Happy New Year" post on 1st Jan then they would go what's-my-resolution and what not; all those stuff......so boring kan. Opps. No offence there.

On the contrary, i'd like to take one last look back at year 2007 as it was a rather dramatic year for me. I mean of course everyday is full of drama for me lah, but 2007 has been extra drama for me because so many drama took place last year and i kena so many drama and i know you fully understand exactly what i mean so i know you won't ask any further questions and just keep on reading thankyouverymuch.

Last year, the biggest slap to me has to be my break-up with my ex. For you new readers out there, it has been more or less of a year since my last relationship that lasted 3 beautiful years. It really was beautiful while it lasted but i suppose all good things eventually comes to an end....to me at least. As much as we sometimes hope that relationships will last forever, sometimes....shit happens. And you can't shove it back up your arse anymore once its out. Yeah you get the gist.

I know....i've been raking this up every now and then. Truth is, i could never really let go of him. It's not easy for me to fall for someone.....and its 10 times harder for me to let go of someone. Perhaps it's a sagitarian thing. I'll never know for sure. There's not a day that passes without me thinking of him somehow or rather. But at least, it no longer hurts as much. That's my only comfort.

But sometimes, the big guy up there works in really mysterious ways. I loose a lover, i gained more friends. Besides my divine sisterhood who stood by me through thick and thin (God bless them) I somehow had the previledge to meet many other fellow bloggers who eventually ends up with us being best buddies. Or should i say many other bloggers had the previldege to meet me in person. More diva that way kan.

You know, we bloggers are really nice people. I've yet to meet up a nasty blogger in person; like those nutcases from the gay chatrooms and profile websites who can only think of humping and more humping tau. Opps terlepas secret scandals plak.

So yeah, i got to know many nice people out there through blogging. Who says blogging is a waste of time....mak apom kau baru tau. There's just too many names to list down here and i dun wanna be a bastard to leave out a single name. I know i would be pissed if people left me out. But hor, bloggers here very forgiving one also you know. Sometimes i meet meet bloggers and i dun even know who they are....and then i go "Hey how you know me ah??" So blonde kan. Happens all the time......but u ols out there wont keysah so much kan. Ha ha ha ha!

The year 2008 definitely promises a lot of new challenges. I now have to teach a new subject. My 1st lesson is in 2 hours time and i dun have a single clue of what to teach. I'm supposed to be researching my lesson and here i am ranting. Mampos mak.

Also, i have decided to further my studies and pursue a masters. To add more shit, my beloved lecturers have recommended my name to the university senate to pursue a full research proggrame instead of doing courseworks which is relatively easier.

There's also a few huge ass mega projects coming up in which i will reveal when the right time comes. With so many things at hand, i definitely have to upgrade my balls to make sure i don't die standing....ball-less. Sure its a lot of work, but i'm actually excited to be trying so many new things. I just hope i won't screw up so much.

Along the way this year, i hope i will continue to make more nice friends and who knows....perhaps find new love.

So here's to everyone....Happy Fucking New Year!!



Dah.....mak kena prepare lesson now.

Jangan kacau.

Shooting Ping pongs in Patpong

The long long long long awaited post.......night life in Bangkok. Sorry for the long wait lah nyah, mak lazy busy tau. Ops. As mentioned, i was with 3 female colleagues during this trip. So no gay bars and agogo boys for me this time. Huh huh.....only got kipap bar jer. Allergic mak. Ha ha ha!

But still it was quite a fun experience no less. Really an eye opener.

So this is Patpong area. Really looks like a mini Vegas there....only thing there's no casinos. Only made up of titty bars. I had the manager of my school canteen's company toured the 4 of us there. Really an awkward company. But what the heck.

My first visit to a titty bar. Man i have so much to bitch i dunno where to start. Being teachers, naturally the girls have never been to such places, and the closest thing i've been to compared to this are gay bars. And they're quite different i tell you. Oh we were such virgins there. Ooh-ing and aah-ing at all the lights and women.

Then we went to what people would call a ping pong show there of course. The women there would pull all kinds of horror stunts wif their kipap to wow all the horny ang moh audiences. I tell you, Dean Cain should have been there to do a coverage for Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

So we went in to this bar like an hour earlier before the show started. We ordered our boozes and had a little chit chat whilst all the girls were just gyrating in skimpy bikinis around the poles on the stage. Me and my hags were busy commenting on how flat that girl's boobs are, or how the other girl on the right looks like an elephant seal.

Got one girl winked at me and try to main mata i buat duh only. She must be so disspointed. Sorry lah nyah, mak allergy kipap.

And finally the show started. Its quite a freakshow. Really. All the performing girls took their turn to go up on stage to do their stunts. And all of them would start off with a lil' dance and then they would roll down their lil' panties and tie it into a cute lil knot on either side of their thighs. So pro. All of us was so impressed. One of my colleauges told me she wanna learn also. Ha ha ha!

So the 1st girl went up.....with no props. And we were wondering what she gonna do. To our horror, she pulled out a string of blades from her fefet! And its not just 1 or 2 blades...a string of it! And to further prove its real, she slashed some papers with random pieces of the blades. I could clearly hear some girls squealing in horror.

Then suddenly the whole bar went pitch black and those blue UV lights were turned on. This girl in white bikinis; looking all so flourescent came up the stage and pulled out ribbons from her fefet. And they were flourescent ribbons! She pulled and she pulled and she pulled. I dunno how many metres she had inside there. It was so long she can actually tie around 4 poles and make a huge flourescent web!

Then got christmas special. They really announced one. This girl actually pulled out a string of lighted christmas balls from her papap. And they were thorny! And there so many other stunts. One could stuff a pen in and write your name. Another can blow whistle with it. Then came one who shoved a tube in it and inserted darts to shoot and balloons and blow off birthday cake candles.

Then at long last, came the sex shows. We were all so excited to see people having sex on stage. Turn out it was so hilarious. First there was a regular straight couple. The man is so old and horror but his body still ok lah. He was so horror my colleagues were laughing out loud at him. I couldn't help laughing either.

Both the man and woman looked so bloody bored when they were having sex. If that's what you can even call it. The man can even look left and right at the audience while humping the girl. And the girl was rolling her eyes waiting for it to be over the whole time. Such a turn off lor. And to make our money worth we stayed back to watch repeats. And the very same couple came out again. To my shock, they did everything in the same sequence! Step by step all properly choreographed. No wonder they were so bored. Ha ha ha!

Then came the lesbian sex. They just went on stage and made out. The normal fondling and tit kissing all those regulars lah. But they ended the show with a bang. Literally. As the grand finale, the 2 women banged their tits and tummy together, creating a really loud POP. EVerybody was bursting in laughter i tell you. So funny.....even after the show we pop pop pop everywhere and just laugh ourselves silly.

After the whole show, there were girls lining outside the bar, waiting to be picked up by horny uncles some more. Very good marketing strategy lor.

I remember last year i had a personal encounter. So horror. My gay fren took me to an empty titty bar just out of curiousity. Why is it empty? Coz its smack in the middle of a gay district. How stupid is the boss. Then got this 40+ aunty who did a personal show for us; coz we're the only customers there. Ha ha ha!

She inserted a banana inside her fefets yang longgar oledi ( it was so effortless to put in!) and she aimed and shot the freaking banana at me! Once again, there was a loud pop. I tried to elak but still kena my green crocs. So geli lor. Then she came down; still without her panties on....and ask tip from me. With her fanny like 2 inches away from my nose.

I was so panicked i din know what to do. I just gave her 20 baht. That's like a measly rm2 here. Ha ha ha ha! She so geram at me she stomped her foot and spoke in thai. I think she was cursing me. She showed the money to the mamasan and everyone laughed at her.

I was so scared i left without even finishing my beer........

Next up: Lau Niang goes for a massage. Jeng jeng jeng...............

Shopping Frenzy in Bangkok

Hello people, lau niang got another travelogue this time. Forgot to tell you, lau niang went to the mystical land of Bangcock for the past 5 days. Acelly hor….this is my second trip there. So this time round….i had to play tour guide to my 3 other colleagues who have never been there. Me……the famed ratu sesat…..a tour guide.

Horror!!!

Anyways, Bangkok has always been my all time favourite place for shopping. You get malls like Siam Paragon and Gaysorn ( dun ask me why the name like that) which is more atas than our KLCC. Siam Paragon is so atas it actually has a Lamborghini boutique….that sells the cars! I’m not talking bout’ key chains and notepads here. If you have enough money you can even buy the Lamborghini cash and carry. Macam like Tesco like that.

Lau Niang sempat shopping there also. Mak kan diva. Shopping kat Paragon tau. See my little Paragon bag?

Don’t underestimate this little bag you know. I spent 800 baht for this bag tau. But I won’t reveal what’s in it. Secret. You guess….ha ha ha!



I was fortunate enough to see all the malls nicely decorated for Christmas already this time round. And when you’re in atas atas malls, everything is so voge de vass! Meltetops okeh. Visiting the lingerie department is of coz….compulsary for me. And the mannequins there…meletops gila babs okeh. SO DIVA!!



See what I mean? You dun see things like this in Malaysia you know. There’s another set of 3 mannequins striking a Charlie’s Angels pose in the kinkiest lingerie you ever seen. I tried posing with Charlie’s Angels but 1 of the mannequin collapsed on me when I sat on the platform. I quickly ran away. Jatuh kemaluan mak…..MAAAALLUUU!!!

Then there’s malls and street markets that sells really reeeaaally dirt cheap…..everything. You name it, clothes, bling blings, lingeries, souvenirs….they have it all. The mother of all cheap bargain malls has to be….MBK of course! Ha ha ha ha!



I bought many many cheap tees there and then I ventured to a new area….the infamous Pratunam. I haven’t had a chance to go there on my last trip so I made it a point to go there this time round. And man was I shocked. The things there are even cheaper and on top of that you can even bargain prices.






Women would die happily there. You get the latest trend of handbags, dresses, accessories…in rather good quality no less. And everything is so so so dirt cheap. I bought a few nice tops for my sister there too. Got this very nice halter neck.



Matilah mak drag dalam blog sendiri. Sure my sister tension if she knows she’s getting hand-me-downs. Ha ha ha ha! I bought this other sleek black mini cheongsam. I wish I can show you a pic here. I could fit in to the little black dress but I couldn’t zip up!

Uggghh…..gotta cut down on those tom yams there.

And for myself, oh I bought so so so so many things. I tell you I spent all my fortune in Pratunam and MBK. Just look at the anount of things I bought….ha ha ha!




Crazy innit? And mind you, this is ONLY my day 2 collection. I bought 2 more sling bags and more work clothes, another belt and another bling bling chain later on. But I so malas to camwhore already. My luggage bag is so horror now I dare not even unpack it. Ha ha ha!

Okies….i’m already late for my afternoon nap appointment. Watch out for the next part of this post: Lau Niang got a Thai Massage and visits Pat Pong!!

Orgy in Sekeping Serendah

What happens when you watch Titanic 5 times in a row?

You get sick.

What happenes when Senario releases a new film and earns 5 million from local market?

You get sick.

What happens when you get too excited over the school holidays and you sleep too late; wake up too early?

You get sick.

That's what happened to lau niang and that's why i was away for quite a while. I was bedridden and i nearly died from my fever. And i was SO SO SO afraid i couldn't make it for this trip. I was sick right till the very day before the trip but thankfully, my fever dispersed right on time. So i made it for this trip right in the nick of time. If not, Dan would me cursing me to my grave if i tell him last minute i too sick to go. Ha ha ha!

So what's this trip about?

Oooh.....its a raunchy 1 day camp at sekeping serendah. 6 fairy bloggers in a glass shed, surrounded by NOTHING but trees. So erotic and exotic kan.......it was! Ha ha ha ha!

I think its located somewhere near Rawang. And my.....Rawang is such a God fearing place i tell you. Even God fears the people of this town. Look what i saw as i was in the car, on the way to the campsite:

That's one hell of a reminder for people to to worship.

When i first heard of the plan and this thing about glass sheds.....i was like....glass? Why glass? What are glass sheds??!

I finally knew what it meant when i saw the place myself. Take a look:

The house is LITERALLY made of glass. Seriously. Glass every where. All four walls. Glass.

See i'm not joking. You can fucking see everything inside out. If you're thinking of coming here to have sex, forget it. Baboons and stray dogs will come and watch you and copy all your positions; maybe even jeer at you.

And there are no doors either. The whole house is made of glass panels. Unlockable latchless ones. I nearly fell to my death when i tried to lean against one of the windows upstairs. The window just flew open the minute i rested my back on it. Haiyor.....die already also dunno. So scary mary!

But nevertherless, its really a nice quaint little place. Fanstastic view of mother nature in all its glory. There's so much green its almost surreal. I felt like i was in a fantasy porn movie. With little nymphs humping on tree branches and naked water fairies bathing by the river kinda thing you know.

But i did see dragonflies fucking by the pool though. That's the closest i got. Hmm.

No doubt the view is fantastic in the daytime. But don't fucking ask me how it looks like at night. I will slap you. I swear. Unlockable glass panels. Pitch black night. Shillouette of trees with giant branches and dangling vines swaying against the cold wind at night. No curtains to close anything.

I tell you its the perfect spot for a horror movie. Just by sitting on the couch against all the glass panels looking out into the dark wilderness outside, i can make up at least 20 pontianak stories already. So horror. But thankfully nothing happen.

To add to the horror, lemme give you a tour to the toilet. Its located OUTSIDE the house and its VERY exposed. You sit on the toilet bowl to crap; you look up....TREES. And the shower is very conviniently and nicely located FACING the staircase inside the house; seperated by....... a glass panel. Very very good feng shui. So yes people, you sit by the stairs, grab a bag of pop corn and have a fantastic view of your frens bathing.

I am not kidding.

Of course i didn't peep! What you lau niang is pervert izzit....where can peep frens one. Yer! This shot is courtesy of Froggy who is more than kind enough to model for us just to show how horror the toilet is. Ha ha ha!

Daytime flew by quite fast. There were so much to do. We prepared for a barbeque for dinner. There's a BBQ pit provided in the umm....courtyard of the house.

I wonder how many people died in that pot.

Anyway, BBQ are always fun. Don't we all love to burn things? Ha ha ha!

There were so much food we couldn't finish it all. Thank god Maria was there to give a helping hand. I mean paw. Meet Maria.....our new brown kudis infested friendly neighbour with 10 dangling tits:

We had time to swim before preparing for the BBQ too. The pool was another glorious sight. Located like 5 mins walk away from our campsite it looked very zen and very....Bel Ami.

Let your minagination run wild people!

What happens when you have 6 fairies in a pool all to themselves? You get a scene from the Mermaid Lagoon in Peter Pan of course. I splash you, you splash me see who is the most gedik.



Unfortunately, i couldn't jump in the water like the others. Not in my just-got-well condition. Can't risk getting sick again. Did i mention how fucking cold the water was? Its like fridge water! But of course i too, had my share of fun.

Oh this is so fun!

I wish i can post more pool picks here but the rest are just too scandolous. I just can't. Not with all the nipple pinching and groping arounds. Ha ha ha!

But in the end....how can i possibly stay away from the water. I'm Little Mermaid reincarnated. I'm DRAWN to water. So what happens? More camwhoring ensued. And here's our signature "3 tatooed maids" shot again:

Night time was a lil' trying. You see, there's no TV or Astro tau. Only trees to look at. If you dare. Gulp.

BUT......no fear. Thank God for the invention of.....TWISTER!!

Ha ha ha.....that sure provided us hours of fun and most importantly, it was a great distraction from the exposed windows and swaying trees outside. Ha ha ha! And so we twisted the night away till everyone was fast asleep.

When dawn broke, it was time to pack up and leave. But before we left, there's still time fore....more camwhoring! Ha ha ha!

I sure had one whacky birthday this year....... :D