Keysah if Lau Niang is Money Boy

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Hello Roy

Now you believe?

Keysah Launiang Kena Kantoi Anime Rogayah

So i was having a slow and peaceful weekend. I was lying in bed with my iced coffee and the chilly air con running....with my lappie on a lil' breakfast-in-bed table doing my photo editing job.

While watching gay anime.

Its not porn okeh. Just some gay themed cartoon so its no big deal lah.

Not until mommy SUDDENLY pops in with ah niece in her arms going "Baby...see what uncle is doing....coochi coochi coo...."

Ya uncle is watching gay anime. Jangan kacau.

I went like... "Fuck fuck fuckety fuck....faster go away!!! Please don't have any love scenes!!!"

Did mommy go away??

Not only did she NOT go away...she made herself comfortable by sitting beside me. And she started feeding ah niece with a FULL bottle of milk.

You think that is the ultimate horror??

Tup tup tup.....the two MALE AND GAY cartoon characters in tv started french kissing!!!!!!

Lau Niang buat buat busy and very engrossed with my editing job konon konon like i tak perasan what just happened in tv okeh.

After like an eternity of awkward silence....akhirnya mommy mengeluarkan statement cepumas.

" You haven't been to church for a long time hor....."

Keysah Lau Niang Membuat Family Portrait

Last weekend, i had the chance to do a long needed family portrait for my lil' niece. Ever since her birth a little over a month ago, ah niece has grown freakishly so much. See how much she's grown...

Ok it doesn't look that convincing in pictures. But she's huge in real. I put up this picture because its a nice shot only. Ha ha ha ha!


Anyways, it was a very casual but intimate shoot between ah niece and mommy and daddy. They were all candid shots; nothing posey (she's too young to learn posing 101. Wait 2 more years lau niang will train her to walk in 5 inch heels. And spin in them. ) I took under an hour to finish up the whole session (can't shoot too long pasal ah niece tidur mati macam balak. How you tickle her also tak bangun bangun. Gaya tidur sama macam mak. Larrriikkk!)

So here's some editorial shots of Ah Niece and mommy and daddy......

And how can i do without artsier shots. Tak sahlah macam tu kan.....

And i saved one last pic for the last. One of my favourite shots.

Really rare to get such angelic combination of serenity, innocence with an edgy angle in a single picture.

So dengan shameless nyer, sapa sapa nak buat portrait dan photoshoot yang vas vas can always e mail lau niang okeh?? ha ha ha h ha ha!

Keysah Lau Niang Membuat Extreme Makeover

Perky is so gonna fry me for stealing her thunder but.....chak chak chak chak.....ada aku keyssahh???

So storynyer like this....about like a month ago....Perky berangan nak baby baru macham Angelina Jolie. After having 2 cats with eating disorder (seriously, perky's cats needs lyposuction and believe me, its not for beauty purpose...larrriiik) Perky berangan wanna have a dog this time plak.



Knowing that my dad has good contacts in dealing with canine pets, she pon assigned me to find a puppy.

One that doesn't hate her. Opps.

One that isn't taller than her. Opps.

One that won't bark at her at sight.Opps.

One that won't piss on her. Opps.

Then came the brainstorming and consultation session. Big question of what is the right breed to get with the right budget.



Finally...my dad found 4 newborn toy poodles. Lau niang ma go and check stock 1st lor. See see the dog come one like....







Toing!!! Aiyo....acelly the dog look ok one but dunno why look so huru hara in picture. I know perky would like her but.....aihhh......how to convince her with such a horrorful pic? Mata kuyu, bulu nipis, expression blank, rambut tak perm.....Look like anjing cinderella yang kotor dan busuk dipungut dari parit lor.



When Perky 1st saw the pic....terus kena label world's most unphotogenic dog. Haah...amek kau. But i keep telling her the dog looks better in real...hoping that she will buy my story.



My dad redeemed the dog about a week before perky came to collect it. And after good food and good bath and good camera, akhirnya poodle menjadi siap.








JANG!!! Muka berjaya dengan suksesnya. It was love at 1st sight when everyone saw Sasha for the 1st time. Yep that's her name. Sasha. Thankfully, poodles are very sociable by nature so there are no strangers to Sasha. She would just jump and prance around ANYBODY. Heck, even my 3 year old cousin tried to dognap her. He wrestled his own mother and cried in a failed attempt to run away with Sasha. Ha ha ha ha! Definitely Perky's kind of dog.

Here's more shots of Sasha after undergoing my Modelling 101's intensive class....











Is it just me or does Sasha reminds you of Susan Boyle??

Keysah Lau Niang Menjadi Porcupine

For the past week, i have been suffering under what i call THE worst neckache i've EVER had in my life. You know those neck aches you get when you slept on the wrong position on bed then you wake up not being able to look up, left or right? Yeah...

It lasted almost a whole fucking week.

I tried twisting my neck towards the painful side with force hoping that it will 'pop' only to cause more pain.

I tried those Salonpas medicated plasters. Did not help at all.

I tried sleeping on 3 pillows. Did not sleep at all.

It wasn't until i went back to my hometown complaining to Lau lau niang...lau niang's Ah Bu lah. Its amazing how she can listen to my constant new complains every week when i go back. She immidiately took me to a chinese doctor. I was in so much pain i'd try anything. Heck i'm even willing to go to a vodoo shaman let alone a chinese doctor.

The doctor squeezed my neck a little and he immediately knew that i left the pain for a few days at least. He was so right. By the time i got there, my shoulders were already stiff from the swelling. I also had the chance to ask the doctor who or what was the culprit behind my neck ache from hell. And he said either i

a) carried heavy things and dislocated my shoulder (no way this delicate oriental flower is carrying anything heavy so...fail)

or

b) sit in front of the computer too long (DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!)

Lau niang is guilty of surfing porn doing masters dissertation like orang gila over the weekends. Maklumlah ada hati nak jadi successful career woman lau niang pun type thesis non stop. Like from 8pm till 5am non stop okeh. Serious shit. I wish it was sex instead. I guess that must have been it.

It was so bad until the doctor said i needed to do accupuncture and a massage.

You know what is accupuncture???

Ok ok ok i'm being a drama queen. But its quite similiar i tell you. Seriously, i did not see an accupuncture coming at all. I was expecting some cream or pills perhaps. But accupuncture?! At 1st impression, i was kinda weirded out, scared but yet excited. It'll be like....getting a new tattoo. Heh heh.

Being the huge sick fan of pain that i am, the accupuncture was of course....very very bearable. On a scale of 1 to 10 of pain...i'd give it a 1.5. But i was poked at some of the weirdest spots. I had like over 20 needles all over my shoulder, neck and...head. I had fucking needles on my head. Its freaking weird.

Then i was left (with the needles on) to bake under a heating lamp for half an hour. Like an iguana. It was the most boring half hour of my life. I din have my phone around to play with and i was scared to sleep. What if i tidur mati, and i started tossing and turning until the needles get buried INSIDE my neck and *gasp* HEAD?? No way in gay hell i'm going to be a permanent porcupine okeh.

Finally the nurse came and remove all my needlees. I thought the worst was over.

Just after that, came along a blind massuer who started squeezing my neck. This is not those sleazy body to body kinky massage okeh. This is massage package neraka. The massuer had insanely strong hands and he was squeezing and wringling and kneading and punching my shoulders and neck in the most unimaginable ways. And i never knew such level of pain existed. At some point, i thought he tried to dismember my arms from my shoulders. With his bare hands. This is no where near the pain of accupuncture. OR tattooing. Yes its more painful that 8 hours of tattooing. I wish i was dead instead.

By the time the session ended, my entire back is so sore so much so i''m distracted by the pain on my neck. Which is still there by the way.

But at least i can turn my neck and the pain somewhat subsided many many hours later. So here i am on a monday night, still in pain, typing my blog and getting ready for work tomolo. Lets just hope i won't look like a hunchback Quasimodo tomolo....

Keysah Lau Niang Become Ibu Mithali

Last weekend, lau niang got an ACTUAL TASTE of what is it like to be a parent. See my aunt dumped dropped my little cousins at my place over the weekend because she's had it they're on a their school holidays. So i have to babysit them for the day.

Being the uptight ambitious perfectionist i am, i was all hyped up to make sure they have a real fun day. I planned my itenaries in detail. Its fun packed, its energetic, its foolproof. The kids are so gonna love me after this. *Evil grin* Pick the kids up at 10am, off to the butterfly park, lunch at Mc Donalds, off to the Zoo and another park.

I was so confident.

But we all know what is akibat confident. The kids were so hyper. God knows where they get their energy from. By the end of the day i can barely walk or talk. Fell flat on the couch the minute i reach home. You'll see why.

With the assistance of my younger sis, we were all set for the day. 10 am...off to the butterfly farm.

15 minutes upon entry...

*Innocent butterfly lands on cousin's arm*

Cousin: Kor kor...i very scared. Can we go home now?

*

Me: What?! We only came in here for 15 minutes. Don't you like the butterfly? You told me you liked butterflies.

*

Cousin: No i don't like them now. Can we go home?

*

Me: *grumble grumble* ok...we follow this way. This is the way home. *grumble grumble*

*

We walked on until we had to cross is stupid cave. They cuba cuba cute try to make exciting like got cave konon konon lah.

*

Cousin: Kor kor i very scared. I don't want to enter.

*

Me: There's no butterflies in there. I promise.

*

Cousin: I saw something in the water.

*

Me: Those are tadpoles.....

*

Cousin: I scared of tadpoles....can you carry me?

*

Glares at sis..... "You settle!" *runs off....*

*
12pm....moving to cultural park.

*

Kids enter kampung house and starts enacting Star Wars fighting scene with empty bottles as light sabres....

*

Me: Oiii.....cannot fight in the house!! Come come we take pictures... (Cuba distract kids)

Me: Oii....don't play with the props! Wait uncle catch you...cannot touch..put down!!

*

Leaves kampung house and continue walking on. Cousin spots a giant mushroom.

Cousin: Kor kor is that mushroom real?

*

Me: Of course not.

*

Cousin: Can i eat it? I love mushroom burger.

*

Me: The mushroom is taller than you. The mushroom will eat you instead.

*

Cousin: .............( he must be thinking what kind of siau relative he has. Ada aku keysah? NAN ADO.)

1.30pm Lunch at MacDonald.

*

Me: Ok...what do you want to eat?

*

Random screams: I WANT CHICKEN! I WANT RIBENA! I WANT MAC WINGS!

*

Me: Here no Mac Wings lah. *grumble grumble -matilah mak bankrupt- grumble grumble*

Cousin: * Serangan muka cute* Can i have the toy?

*

Me: Err....we're going to the zoo after this. How can you go zoo and carry toys? Wait the monkeys snatch your toy how? We buy later ok? Eat nugget eat nugget. (Sebenarnya kedekooot)

*

2.30pm to the zoo...

10 minutes upon entry...

*

Me: Oiii....cannot throw rubbish at the animals!!

*

Sis: Eh don't bang the cage like that!!

*

Me: Stop making faces at the animal...wait they get angry and eat you up!!

*

Sis: Two of you stop running!! Cannot go so far...!!

*

I dinch notice how many people were staring at us shrieking at the kids. 30 seconds later....

*

Me: Oiii....i said cannot throw rubbish at the animal lor!!

*

Cousin: I never i never. I throw stick only.

*

Somebody kill me already. Pleeaaseee!!!

*

We walked on until the kids saw some ponies.

*

Cousin: *Serangan muka cute kali kedua* Can i ride the pony?

*

Me: Cannot.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Me: Sigh.................

Never in my whole life had i imagined i have to pay for a kid's pony ride. Not just A kid.

TWO kids. Good thing the eldest one thinks pony rides are dumb. I have never been so agreeeable before.....

*

As difficult as it was to keep up with them...i guess the silly grins on the kid's faces made all the money (Rm2 for a 30 second round the tiny ranch pony ride. Really bluff small kids lor!) and rides worth it. Sit horse also so happy. I really don't get it. Not say sit on Ken Watanabe or Hugh Jackman also.

The pony however, weren't too excited to have my beruk-kena-belacan cousins on his back.

*sob sob* Apalah nasib mak...terpaksa ditunggang oleh budak setans. Dahlah upah ciput Rm2 pun kena rampas dengan abang horse....*sob sob*

Then we saw deers. Ever noticed how ugly deers are??

They look like anorexic cows. No offense to all Bambi fans out there.

15 minutes later....

Cousin: *Serangan muka cute kali ke3* Kor kor i'm tired. Can i have a piggy back ride?

*

Me: Oh no you don't. You're not coming anywhere near my camera kid...

*

Glares at sis.. "You settle!" Runs off to pretend snapping pictures of rocks.

Sis: *Grumble grumble* I'm so going to tell mom to disown you after this *Grumble grumble*

*

Then they we piggy backed the kids to the bird...area. Department. Whatever.

Me: Please tell me those gates have locks. Can we just lock them with the storks and drive off?

*

Sis: You wish..!

*

After over 2 hours of rounding in the zoo, we finally came reach the exit. Unfortunately, cousins spotted a playground. Arrrrghhhhh!!!

*

Sis: Ok....we're leaving in 10 minutes time.

*

Cousin: No no no.....1 hour more.

*

I can drop dead in the middle of the playground already okeh. By the end of the day both me and my sis were too tired to even complain or talk to each other.

*

So any readers out there who wishes to raise kids.....think THRICE. This WILL be your routine weekend.

*

Paying for pony rides.

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Screaming at kids in public.

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Buying lunch enough for 3 starving families in Ethiopia only to have kids eat half of the portion.

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Piggy back rides thak kills your shoulders.

*

Screaming and jumping in the car.

*

Sitting lifelessly at playgrounds while waiting for kids to be done.

SO....who's up for a fun fun fun day with the kids? HMMM????

*

PS: My little niece just cried coz she got frightened by her own fart. How cute.