In Pursuit of Mr. Right....

“God let us meet wrong people in pursuit of love so we’ll know how to appreciate more when the right one comes along.”

Says some crappy forwarded e mail. I was forced into singlehood after stepping out of a relationship not so recently. It took me a few months to recuperate from the break up, and another few months to adjust into a single-woman lifestyle. Mak perit lagi tau. And I kept telling myself…

“Ok you can do this. Being single is not so scary after all. Plenty of single people in this world. Just take 3 deep breaths. You can do this. Its just a phase. Just a phase….”

Those are the magic words of wisdom I keep reminding myself. It kept me sane. It kept me from freaking out. And after several months, I finally decided to take a step forward and get my hands dirty with the dating game. And I fell 2 steps back instead.

Do you have any idea what a freak show the world is out there?! In search of Mr. Right for me, I came across some of the freakiest guys I’ve ever come across. All out of a sudden, I felt like a Carrie Bradshaw running episode after episodes of Sex and the City starring different freak stars each time.

Lemme give you a gist of some of the guest stars.

First, there was Mr. Terminal Disease. This guy happens to be younger than me and honestly speaking, I don’t really dig younger guys….coz they’re so childish. As if I’m not childish enough myself; so that’s the last thing I need. But Mr. Terminal Disease was such a persistent chatter and he insisted that we ought to meet up. I was having second thoughts; why bother meeting up if I’m not even interested?!

BUT….I decided to go against myself and give him a chance. For the sake of the good chats we had and his sincerity. On the surface at least. So we did end up meeting. True enough. No sparks. But that doesn’t mean I have to act all hostile and ditch him on the spot right. We had a good lunch and a good chat and said our bye byes.

The following night, we met online again. The he started asking questions like “What you think of me?” “Would you fall in love with a guy like me?” “Am I your type?” I was like shit…this can’t be good. Before I could even attempt answering all those questions, he was already professing his love for me. Cripes. In order to stall some time and not let him down, I said we shouldn’t go to fast since we met once only. And he took it quite nicely.

A few days and many sms later, he decided to be more honest with me because I am to be his future bf. Perasan tak the guy? Never mind that; but he revealed to me that he’s suffering from a terminal disease. Of course he’s not those final stage bed ridden type (else I couldn’t have met him up lah right) and I was so taken aback. Of all the millions of guys in this world, I had to bump into one with a terminal disease. He looked perfectly fine in the outside I didn’t suspect a thing at all. I was so panic stricken and I didn’t know how to dump him at all. From then on, it was more compassion than passion. I was worrying about him half the time and no way in gay hell am I going to play nurse here. Its fun to play nurse but it’s not fun to BE one ok.

A week more down the road, he revealed another piece of news to me. Yep…there’s more. Apparently, Mr. Terminal Disease is still seeing his ex; who has not 1, not 2, not 3, but 20 boyfriends currently. Yes you got that right. 20 boyfriends. And Mr. Terminal Disease is still considering whether to forgive him and accept him back or not.

All out of a sudden, I became counseling teacher. In the end, they talked things over and they’re back together. I merely gave him a plastic smile with a “Oh I’m so happy for you” face. I didn’t have to be the bad guy after all. Huge sigh of relief! Good luck sharing him with 19 other guys.

Mental note to self: Never ever date younger guys. EVER.

Then comes along the Buff Guy. Now this is saucier. I always had a thing for buff guys so I thought this could be fun. With Buff Guy, it was more lust than love. We had the raunchiest chats but we never met. Was kinda fun that way already . And one fine day, he e mailed me a video clip of him humping someone. Ok that’s fine, men have sex all the time and he’s not my lover, so its ok for him to sleep around all he wants.

Then there were more raunchy chats and he finally asked to meet up. Oooh…I was getting butterflies in my tummy. Meeting a buff guy….now that I never try before. It was those “Oooh I’m so scared to meet. I so shy lah. But I still want to meet….” kind of thing. Unfortunately, he was only available during my Langkawi trip. So we had to postpone.

And we have yet to meet up till today. But guess what happened yesterday?? At noon, I received an sms from an unknown number and it reads…

“Gay orgy party in Genting on so and so day. Free lodging. Strictly for 21 – 30 years old only. To join, please send an e mail to *insert-e mail add* “

Hmm….okkkkkaayy. Gay orgy parties. No thanks. But hey…wait a minute….don’t I know that e mail add from somewhere?? *Immediately opens G mail and screen through address book*

Eeeeeppps!!! The e mail add belonged to Buff Guy! That fucker organizes gay orgies!!! My god! And what are the odds of me receiving that sms also? Strike lottery even easier ok! Thank God I haven’t met him and nothing happened. Now I believe that God works in mysterious ways. Bye bye forever Buff Guy!

And finally, came The Monkey. No he doesn’t look like a monkey. Its just his nick. Now The Monkey is a more decent guy. Not very good looking but down to earth and friendly. Really genuine guy. And I do enjoy his company. The only drawback there was is that he kept on stressing how much he enjoys being single…..and he travels for work like a lot. But I told myself, “Aiyah…become friend also good enough what, since he’s such a good company” and I lived with that. Self consolation lah katanya. He calls and sms me quite oftenly and I do appreciate the attention he gives me. But earlier this month, he got really busy with his business trips again and we got a little drifted apart. And finally he came home and I met him online again. So I casually asked when could we meet up for drinks again and he dropped a bomb.

“I may not be able to meet you so soon coz I’m getting attached soon…”

Wtf. 1 minute he says how much he enjoys being single, keeps calling me everyday and the next thing he tells me he’s getting attached. I was crushed. Before I could even fall in love. Can that actually happen??! Well it’s a good thing I didn’t throw myself to him and make a fool out of myself. Die also must die with dignity okeh. Mak diva tau.

Thus ends the 1st season of Bradshaw’s Sex and the City. Sigh….i know I’m still young and I have plenty of time ahead shit, but there’s only so much I can take man. I might get a nervous breakdown if I come across another orgy planning terminal diseased guy who enjoys being single but is getting attached soon.

Cheers for singlehood.