Monday, July 16, 2007

6 Weird Things About Me

Yet another old post from an old blog. But this one hor....have to post coz i was tagged by Doctor mah. But anyhow, i remember how much fun i had writing this post, so i hope u ols will have fun reading it.....again (to some of you)

1. I’m a legendary lost queen.

This has definitely got to be 1st on my list. Yes people, I am really really lousy with directions. I kid you not. When it comes to directions, I have shorter memory span than of Dory from Finding Nemo.

You put me in a new place; I get lost.

You let me practice driving to the new place for 2 weeks before hand, I still get lost.

If I haven’t drive to a certain place for more than 2 weeks, I’ll most likely get lost.

Make me drive in a place in the daytime where I usually drive during the night (or vice versa); I get lost.

I can’t read maps for nuts.

But I got best geography top scorer award back in Form 5. (Coz I’m the only one who could pass)

Seriously, I think it’s a curse. Be it on foot or driving, I’m constantly lost. I can’t find my car in parking lots if I don’t snap a pic of the lot number. That’s why I have a regular parking spot.

Yes people, I have a secret regular spot for all the places I frequent so I know where I parked.I always walk aimlessly in shopping malls albeit I have a specific destination. That’s why I’m never allowed to walk in front when shopping with muh’ sistas. Everytime kena label “walking with confidence”.

2. Where’s your left? ….My what??

Here’s a fascinating piece of secret that I have safely guarded all my life.

No one knows about it.

Not even my parents.

And for the 1st time ever, I shall reveal this shocking truth of me…I actually can’t tell left from right. Not until I was 10. That’s primary 4 for your information. Of course I do realize that all along but it never really bothered me; back then, I never had any reasons why I should know left from right, so I didn’t give a damn to learn.

Not until my year four class teacher, the very fierce Mr. Alex Peralta (yes, I’ll remember him my whole life….coz he looked like the Grinch and traumatized me with horrifying left/right tests) decided to test the whole class if everyone could tell left from right. He would say left and everyone had to raise their left hands quickly. I was panicking my back-then-skinny-ass off following other students’ hands and frantically switching them if I got mine wrong; praying that Mr. Peralta would not notice me panicking. I kinda forgotten why he did such a dumb test though.

Only then, mom bought me my first watch and I invented the best theory EVER. I would wear my watch on my left hand. I checked with mom to see which was left first of course. And that became my permanent left hands. My left hand is the hand with the watch. And that’s when I became the ever confident self I am today.

Hmm….I suppose that’s why I’m lousy at directions; I can’t even tell left from right since young. So its not my fault after all….hik.

3. I’m a BIG Disney freak.

A huge ass one. I know the names of Cinderalla’s mice. I can name you all the seven dwarves. Anytime, anywhere. I can sing all of the Little Mermaid’s songs. By heart. I know which song came from which cartoon. I know what the first Disney cartoon was. It was Snow White. 1939. When I was growing up, I had a complete collection of Disney cartoon video tapes. Up until I was in secondary, I never failed to watch a Disney video everyday.

And I’m bloody proud that I love Disney ok. I really have to give my mom a huge thank you here. It was her who has been generously buying Disney videos and books for me. Disney has been a huge part of my childhood and it still is to a certain extent to me now. I believed that it was all those Disney cartoons and books that helped me on my language skills. Had it not for Little Mermaid and Princess Aurora and what not, I could have grown up to talk like Phua Chu Kang for all I know.

So yeah, I’m a huge ass Disney freak, I’m bloody proud of it and I thank mom for introducing me to every children’s fantasy……Disney. I think all children should watch 1 Disney Cartoon everyday. Maybe I should start a campaign or something. Ha ha ha.

4. I like my fizzy drinks salted. Heavily.

Yes people, I put spoonfuls of salt into my Coke, my Sprite, my 7-Up and all other fizzy drinks. Its to get rid of the gas completely. I don’t know why but I have this phobia of farting loudly in public if I drink fizzy drinks. You know, from all the gas. So I always put spoonfuls of salt in my fizzy drinks until its totally gasless. Then I won’t fart loudly right?

Some people say that salted Coke tastes like sea water; but I sure as hell like it very much. Also, I can fantasize being one of those beautiful evil concubines putting poison into a rival’s drink with an evil grin as the salt sizzles loudly in the drink. I always wanted to be an evil concubine. Macam perasan The Banquet like that lah. I’ve been caught doing it more than once already. Ha ha ha!

5. I’m deathly afraid of…..chickens.

I’m not afraid of giant lizards. I’m not afraid of giant snakes. I would gladly put a scorpion or tarantula on my hands. I not afraid of sleeping in a tub of live maggots. But…I’m deathly afraid of chickens. In fact I’ve posted a blog on this issue sometime ago.

I know it’s a weird animal to be scared of. I can’t remember exactly when I developed such a phobia. But every time I see a real live chicken walking, every single strand of hair on my body would tingle. A chicken would scare the freaking daylights out of me. Scare me with a chicken and I’ll hate you for life. I’ll cast a voodoo spell on you if I could.

Those scaly legs with sharp nails.

Those long shiny brown feathers.

Those shiny, beady eyes that never blinks.

That disgusting red dangly shit under its crooked beak.

Its ability to fly and pounce on you.

Oh my god……I think I need to stop here. I’m all alone right now….

6. I don’t do urinals

Not even if my bladder is going to explode. I just can’t pee on urinals. I HAVE to do my business in a well locked up private cubicle. I can never explain why. Maybe because I’m afraid that someone might peep. Maybe its due to hygiene reasons. I’ll never know for sure. Also, I cannot do a no.2 anywhere else but in the comfort of my home’s toilet. I can’t do it in public toilets, I can’t do it in other people’s houses, not anywhere. Only in my own homes. I don’t know why, Mr. hanky just wouldn’t come out. I consider that pretty weird.

Ps: My personal big project ids finally accomplished; watch out for s super exciting post right after this. Mak edit gambar gambi dolu.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Best Answers During a Job Interview

1. Why did you apply for this job?

I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?

I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?

You have to hire some one, you may as well give me a try.

4. What would you do if this happened?

Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...

5. What is your biggest strength?

Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking ofthe fate of company

6. What is your biggest weakness?


7. What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?

Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get moremoney, so I am here today

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?

Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job?I could demand more and stay there.

9. Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?

Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.

10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?

For the same reason why you left your earlier job

11. What do you want from this job?

If no work is given but keep giving good hikes

12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?

Make more money and for that keep jumping companies every 2 yrs

13. Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?

Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website

14. What is the salary expected and how do justify that?

Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extrathan what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard

(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked mycurrent salary by 30%)

Ini lah tips dari cikgu for the day. Good luck to all job seekers out there!

ps: dun get any wrong ideas cheedren; i'm not switching jobs or anything lah. This is is some funny forwarded e mail i got. So i post here lor! heh heh.....tipah tertipu!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Ok...i found this rather interesting meme from Angel's blog to do but i dunnno the name of it. Angel...why you never provide the name ah? Please explain??

So i'll just call it the "Complete The Sentence" meme. Mak confident jer. So this meme, konon-kononnyer you have to fill up at least 17 out of 27 sentences. Tapi because i'm so greedy i'm going to do all. Suka hati mak lah!

1. A person is only as good as my toenails.

2. Friendship always comes with motive. Mari lari ke Timbuktu dulu.

3. To love is to make love.

4. Money makes me feel horny.

5. I miss, you mister.

6. My way of saying I care is by gently placing my palms in front of your face. With my golden nails.

7. I try to spread love and happiness by keeping my hands to myself.

8. Pick the flowers when no one is watching.

9. To love someone is to let him have the last say. Sometimes.

10. Beauty is Beast punya fag hag.

11. When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was secretly buying paper dolls after school and make my sisters jeles.

12. When I was twenty one, I remember skipping classes to go for movies and shopping and sleeping under lecturer’s noses.

13. I am most happy when bitching. Period.

14. Nothing makes me happier than seeing kids being punished.

15. If I can change one thing, I will change my gender. Wah!!! Pengakuan ekslusif!! Ha ha ha ha! No lah, cut cake cut cake. I like to joke. I happen to inherit some great family heirlooms ok; now why would i wanna throw anything away? HMM??

16. If smiles were money then poor people would be sad all the time. Innit?

17. Wouldn't it be nice if we could vaporize people we don’t like at the blink of an eye?

18. If you want to get Mama Diva to scream like pondan then u should throw a prawn or cat at him.

19. Money is not everything if you don’t have taste. Hahh!!! Who don’t agree wif me??

20. The most touching moment I have experienced is having Ken Watanabe holding my hands, proposing to be my Danna. Ok ok ok…so I can’t put it in past tense yet. But just you wait!

21. I smile when I feel like it. Suka hati I lah….apa you kesah?!

22. When I am happy I prance around wif my golden nails.

23. If only I don't have to get stuck in another lousy date like meeting an orgy addict or some I’m-happy-being-single-but-I’m-getting-attached-soon guy.

24. The best thing I did yesterday was having a lavish dinner; paid by a nice pal. Biler nak seconders? :p.

25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title: Speaking With Confidence; The Bibik Method

26. One thing I must do before I die is not to die so soon.

27. Doing this meme I feel like I’ve drain out whatever remaining cells I have in my brain. This is really one tough meme to do. Don't believe try!!!!!!

Sorry this is all i could come up with. For now. Hey, even that i spent a lot of time doing this tau. Really hard to do you know! And plus, i'm in the midst of another big project now. A more personal one this time. And i shall reveal everything once its done. All in good time.

Sabar tu seprauh Sabariah nox...

Ps: So my meme is morbid. Bite my skinny ass.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

My Gramma's Pink Bungalow

As you may already have guessed, me and my gramma has this really dysfunctional bond. We’re really close….but with really absurd chemistry. I can talk to her bout’ anything....except for the fact that I’m a fairy of course. We’d comment on unfortunate looking actors over the TV, we’d talk about my tattoo that she really disapproves, we’d discuss what to cook for lunch the next day, what a bully my dad was as a kid, how fierce she was when raising her own kids, gossiping bout other relatives (my fav part! Lolz!!!) …and the list goes on.

In view of that, I found this little post that I wrote many many many years ago in an older blog. It sure reminded me of the good times we have and I figured that u ols will find it rather amusing too.

So here goes….(remember it was many years ago!)

Today, i had a rather screwed up day and its alllllllll thanks to my own doings. So clever. Lets start from the begining. No, there wasn't any begining. I was reading Da Vinci Code the night right up till dawn. Yes....till erm....8.30am i think.

That's when i finally started to feel sleepy, burying myself under the thick layers of comforters (I use 3 comforters fyi) and THAT'S when mommy comes in to spot check me. She saw me still awake so she dragged me along from breakfast. And because i didn't sleep at all, i had a rather huge appetite. Ate a plate of fried mihun, 3 toasted bread caked with thick layers of butter and kaya, and 2 half boiled eggs, topping up with my must-have nescafe ice. If i were to continue such diet everyday, i think i'll die of heart attack by 25. (Shit….i AM turning 25 end of this year…choi choi choi!! Touch wood!!)

So that was it, mommy went to work and daddy sent me, my sis and gramma back home. Finally. I thought i could get some sleep then. But no....guess what happen? Gramma went "Bibik you so long never visit your grampa, 1st time you wake up in the morning, come come let's go...' I was like Oh my god...let me sleep! But empress dowager's orders have to turut lah. Went also...A funny thing happened at grampa's graveyard. His bungalow got a bit run down, marbles cracking at the side, colour fading and all (Maklumlah, he 'stay' there since i was 3!) Dad saw a gravedigger nearby and he ask the man to do some renovation. Cost a hefty 800! Dad's gonna share the bomb among all my uncles and aunts.

In view of the matter, gramma started gossiping with me (yeah, i inherited my gossip jutsu from nenek, we talk allllll day long at home, from what to cook for dinner until when am i going to get a gf since my sis also has a bf; yeah right. wait on....!) She was wondering aloud that how HER bungalow will look like next time. She pointed to an empty lot just beside grampa's.

Apparently she bought the land the same time during grampa's funeral. Kononnya cuba pasangan romantic side by side lah. I told her, the whole kampung house all black and white only. So boring. I'll make her's bright pink next time. No crosses or angels on the head. I put a giant pink love with a BIG picture of her in the middle. (Think powerpuff girls) Make hers the most outstanding in the whole kampung.

She kena geli. But she actually gave it a thought and kinda like the idea in the end. ha ha ha! Then she gave me the green light to design her bungalow next time. lol!!! I even told her i'm going to buy a lot for myself in between grampa and hers. Since i'm so thin i think i can fit the narrow gap lah. Then i can become her tiang lampu eternally. Kena pial telinga.

Hmm….see what I mean?? Such a morbid topic also she can talk siau siau for you. But Gramma is healthier than me now. I suppose she doesn’t have to worry about her pink bungalow for quite a while. Our fren now tengah busy summer holiday visit all my aunty and uncle’s posh houses again.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Faster Eat....Faster Eat!!

Reading Nyonya Penang’s latest entry sure brought back a flush of personal memories of my own. You see, I used to have some umm…..dietary issues myself during my growing years. I was told by my mom that even as a toddler, my maid had to carry me around the housing area for 2 whole hours just to feed me a small plate of half boiled eggs.

Pertinent to that, I was naturally very petite as a boy. Most of the time, I was the shortest and lightest in class. I tell you embarrassing secret. In primary school, I actually wore the same blue short pants from year 1 to year 6. Yes I could still fit into my year 1 pants at the age of 12. Stop laughing you!

Back at home, I had a lot of pressure from my family as well. You see, I have 3 other cousins the same age as me. Once again, mak lah yang paling mini size. All 4 of us were born in the year of the dog. And my youngest aunty once said, “If all 4 of you were real dogs, your cousins would be Dobermans and you’ll be the Chihuahua of the group.” Sweet.

Every other day, I would be constantly nagged by either my mom or gramma. It gets worse during festive seasons where relatives visit and they would give snide remarks about how I never grew.

“ Aiyoh….you never eat that’s why you so short. Wait other people think I never feed you…” says mom.

“You see all your other cousins all taller and bigger than you. Their mother cook anything also they eat; not so picky like you…semua tak makan!” says gramma.

“Wah….why you still so skinny ah? You never eat lice ah? Must eat more mah! My boy boy younger than you also taller than you….ha ha ha!” says irritating relatives.

Now all their children are ugly and overweight. Who’s laughing now?? HA HA HA HA!!!!!

It’s kinda depressing really. Up until I was 15, I was still wearing Little Bobdog and Batman t shirts coz I can only fit into the lil’ boy’s department sizes. A Nike tee was big enough to make a blanket for me back then. Not until super large Alien Workshop and Ocean Pacific tees came in trend. Then I could dress up a little.

I still remember how gramma would prepare a huge ass bowl of rice, all mixed with gravy and whatever dishes we had for the day and she would spoon feed me and my sis. From the same bowl. Sharing is caring you know. I purposely chewed slower so that my sis had to eat more. That’s why she’s the fat one when we were younger. Gosh I hope she doesn’t read this. Mak naik Air Asia lari ke Cambodia dulu.

Now that i'm taller than gramma already, i would say back the very same thing she told me everytime she picks her food. Just to get back at her you know. She doesn't take western food, anything buttered and cheese you see. Sausage, bacon, cakes...all she rejek.

" You everything also dun to grow taller?"

And she would smack me on the head. Ha ha ha!

And dad didn’t make it any easier too. Oh he was a tyrant in my younger days. I was afraid of no one in the house. Except daddy. Just one look from his eyes can make all your bones shudder okeh. No need rotan rotan also. But of course I still had my rotan days lah. Still trying to forget about it.

ANYWAY, there was once when he packed lunch for me after school coz gramma (who usually cooks) was on summer holiday. I still remember I was in Year 1 back then. I sat on the dining table and Daddy said I couldn’t leave the table until I finished the food. I nodded vigorously in panic of course. The he left for work.

I ate and I ate and I ate. Spoon after spoon….after spoon….after…..ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzz….

I fell asleep on the table with my plate of rice not even half eaten yet. Before I realized anything, it was mom who waked me up. I jolted up and started eating violently again, afraid that Daddy would find out I still haven’t finish my rice.

Then it occurred to me. If mom is home…then dad has to be home also. Dad fetches mom home everyday. Shhiiiit!! And before I can even make any plans to destroy the evidence, I heard those heavy footsteps walking down the carpeted stairs. O f course it was Daddy, he had to have his dinner immediately after work.

What do I do…what do I do!! He stepped into the kitchen seeing me still on the table and gave me a curious look.

“Err….I’m eating dinner now…”

He gave me a brief “hmm” and went ahead with his dinner. I was still alive! So I continued eating what was suppose to be my lunch as my dinner now. Yet I couldn’t finish. Mommy had to secretly throw it away for me after I begged on my knees.

A few years ahead, I got smarter. I pretended to be busy doing homework after school and took my lunch later when there’s least people at home. At 2.30 pm, Dad would be off to work and gramma would already be fast asleep in front of the TV. Best time to have lunch. What I couldn’t finish, I threw it on the floor and my doggie would gobble everything up.

And everyone wondered why all our family dogs are always overweight………

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Tragedi Botol Kicap

Oh my goaaaat….I just saw THE most disgusting thing. You guys are SO gonna freak out after this. Just over the weekend, I was having lunch at Pizza Hut near Tesco. And you know how Pizza Hut and KFC still serve their ketchup and chili sauce in bottles kan?

So I was pigging myself out when I suddenly noticed this table of family sitting in front of me. The parents were busy eating away; leaving their toddler child to eat on its own and mess up the whole table. They were so ignorant I tell you. Not even Godzilla walk pass by Pizza Hut slashing everything down with the tail can raise their attention i tell you. Eat like 7 months never eat before.

But that’s not what ticked me off.

Suddenly, the toddler reached for the ketchup, open the cap and LITERALLY put the cap in the mouth!! It was inside the orifice for a good 5 mins before he spat it out. As if I’m not freaked out enough already, the kid then reached for the ketchup bottle and SLOBBERED the mouth of the bottle! The kid was having a whale of a time deep throating the bottle. If that bottle had a life, it would have gotten at least 3 orgasms already.

Only after a while, the dad noticed his kid’s raunchy stunt. And what he did?? You guess!! Our friend NONCHALANTLY screwed the cap back on and placed it back properly on the table. Without even bothering to wipe the bottle or returning it to the waiter as if nothing happened. Nothing. Just like that. Confident jer.

I’m so utterly revolted. Masa main corn cake sedap. Anak dah besar tak tau jaga. I’m SO never ever dipping chili sauce from bottles in public food outlets EVER again. Yuck yuck yuck!!!

On a lighter note….i’d like to introduce my new food fetish to u ols. Ladies and ladies, I present to you…..Lala from Upstown!

See the food is so good I sempat to make smiley cat. Siap got taik lalat sexy made of green beans okeh. U dun jeles. But the Bambu Lala is not nice. Got bau pasir some more. Cannot eat at all. That's why the isi i make Fantasia Barino lips only. Man I’m so good at culinary arts….

Same face with my Lala not??