Saturday, August 7, 2010

Keysah if Lau Niang is Money Boy

It feels so weird to be looking back at this all-too-familiar blog window.

So much has happened since the last i blogged. Good and bad things. But close friends of mine never stopped encouraging me to start blogging again. It sure feels nice to be remembered and appreciated that here i am...returning their kind gestures.

So just recently, i was having this very interesting discussion with a fellow friend who now thinks he's a blogger. Larriikkk! Back to this interesting conversation. We were talking boys. Not bitching about anyone in particular, but just discussing the issues in general.

And that got me thinking. What does it feels like to be a money boy?? Not that i'm intending to be one (lau niang is not so cheapskate hor please...i can afford my own LV. Petaling street pon Petaling Street lah, at least its my own money and i didn't kill any mak datin and run away with her LV nor do i have to give blowjobs to 80 year old uncles on their death beds okeh)

To my own understanding, a moneyboy is a person (hopefully male, and young enough) who goes after elder or more well to do men, makes them feels good and in return, spends their money to buy lavish things. And i say this with due respect. Not that i hate moneyboys. I have nothing against them. I only discriminate stupid and ugly people.

It came to my knowledge that being a money boy is anything but simple. Its really not easy to make a man WILLINGLY spend money on you. You need good enough assets to entice and attract your targetted man first i'm told. Makes sense no? So a moneyboy needs to equip himself with such qualities to name a few:

a good and attractive physique. Ko hado???

a sweet sweet mouth who knows how to make the man feels like he owns the world. Mampu? mampu??

all the patience in the world. You can never throw tantrums or upset your man under any circumstances. Rela??

If me....die lor. Who would want a moneyboy who has the same stats as Popeye's girlfriend with a molot so puaka even pontianak also run away crying and the PMS of a 40 year old virgin? Maybe they will pay me money to stay away kot.

So i know lah, i don't have what it takes to be a moneyboy. But lets just make believe a little. I always admired this skill of moneyboys. Trust me its not easy to squeeze money from men at all these days. Especially typical chinese guys. They are trained to earn all the money in the world and make it a point to stuff all their wads of cash into their own coffin when they die. No one gets a dime. Wah Loi Toi says so. So i imagined a little of what would i do and say in a given situation.

Me: Dear.....I want LV bag. Buy for me can or not?? Very cheap. 18 ribu only. I love you.

Daddy: Cannot lah....we cannot be so materialistic one...

Me: Umm.....but i wanna look good to you mah. You wanna feel proud being seen with me also right? I love you.

Daddy: No, we have to be discreet in public. Cannot be so loud lah, wait my 4 wife and 18 grandchildren find out i die lah.

Me: Thats going to happen soon what. Ok ok...then i hold the LV in a very manly way so that i look discreet ok? I love you.

Daddy: No lah, that's not a good idea. How can you hold a bag in a manly way. Even without a bag you're not manly already. With bag then you look more woman than my 4 wife. I love the way you are now. U look very simple and charming. I love you too.

Me: hummph....ok lor. Lets have dinner then. I feel like having Japanese. Ok for you?

Daddy: Not today darling...i feel like char kuey teow.

Me: KNNCCB chau ku niang......

See....i'm not cut out to be a moneyboy. Told you so.