Thursday, June 26, 2008

Beauty & The beast @ Plenary Hall KLCC

Shit. I finally have an excuse know the reason why i've been lazy kept busy from blogging.


Seriously its the only thing i do at work when i'm free. I watch it before classes. I watch it after classes. I can tibai 1 whole season in 2 days. So you can expect a more often return of me when i finish all 10 cycles lah ya. Ha ha ha ha ha! Kidding kidding.


I'm here today to review about this musical i watched last night. Yep. Beauty and The Beast is now staging in Plenary Hall and i finally get to see my dress kuning kembang being put in good use. Of coz i will go and see. Got so many pondan attended as well. All berangan nak jadi princess.

Before i begin, here are some comments my friends made after the show. My comment is grand finale lah of coz.

"It was ok but i didn't wet my panties..." ~~ Perky

"Mana the chandelier for the dancing scene and Be My Guest? Mana the field with the horse running?" ~~ Poporoot Pegap

"Aiyo....i almost fell asleep during the show. Good thing they smart enough to change the sets..." ~~ J-Me. (J is not for jilat okeh)

"We Will Rock You is so so so so much better. Thank you God for making We Will Rock You" ~~Cat

Additional conversation i overheard behind me:

Super-excited-sugar-high-girl: Mommy mommy i want to buy the CD after this can? Can?

Monotonous-Mom : .........for what.

Having said all that, you should know by now which way review is leading to already.

In my utmost humble opinion....the musical was really just so so to me. I didn't wet my panties as well. Where do i begin. Let's start with the Beast' character.

I was so taken aback at the characterization. In the cartoon this Beast character is depicted as a large feroucious ...well..beast obviously....with permanent PMS. And buasir. In this musical version, not only his PMS and buasir was rather inconsistent, the actor actually tried too hard to give a fresh flavour to the character by adding some comedic scenes having the Beast to do things that is SO UNLIKELY of the character.

I'm talking about whining and stomping foot all over the place when Belle refused his 1st dinner invite. Kepit punai sqealling in pain when Belle was treating his injuries from the wolf attack. That is something.....i would do. Not the beast. So yeah, as a result the Beast looked like a huge ass hairy prancing drag queen who can't afford shavers.

And then there was the transformation part. You know where the spell get broken and he transforms into a prince so handsome i will hump the cardboard stand-up poster like Duracell Rabbit. Dun even get me started if he's a real person.

Anyway, you know that part is the cream of the story you know. And it was presented so poorly on stage. I know its not an easy feat to do but still what they did was really unacceptable. From what i saw, I think the Beast was hoisted up and he turned 360 like a ferris whell...with no brakes. Seriuosly he turn so fast i dunno how the actor can tahan. I will puke on Belle if it was me lor. Turn turn turn then pooof.....tada! Beast in person comes walking in with follow spot on him ala Mr. Bean.

Nabeh.....what kind of transformation is that?!?!?! If they let Belle hug and cry over a bear bear doll and have the Actor change his costume back stage also i not so geram lor. Seriuosly it reminded me of Exorcist where Linda Blair floated on top of the bed and started turning also. Suddenly become Exorcist Musical only.

And that's not the end of it okeh. I had such high hopes on the Beast-in-person actor i tell you. Of all disney princes, i think he's the 2nd most hemsem one of all lei. Number one forever must be Prince Eric of Little Mermaid. So hemsem.
See his kukucau so big. That's why i like. But this Beast prince also very hemsem you know.

See his big eyes, big chest, big arms, broad shoulder and those long flowy hair. Like horse. So nice lei. I seriuosly expected the actor to be looking somewhat similar lor. But no.

The Prince is like NOT HEMSEM AT ALL!!! Not ugly also but NOT HEMSEM AT ALL!!! He looked like some drunk latino man with stubbies all over his face. I see like so busuk like that. SUCH A DISSAPOINTMENT i tell you. I don't hate the actor, its not his fault that he looks like that but i just expected more. All Disney princes are obligated to be hemsem okeh. Its every little girl's fantasy you know. It's MY fantasy. No one likes to fantasize about drunk latino men lor. Oh ya...his hair not even blonde also. As a result, the prince got a lukewarm applause only when he 1st appeared as human. So sad lor.....sigh.

I should move on. Let's talk Belle. She's quite satisfactory. The actress was very lifelike. She really looks like Belle. Same hair same dress and even the voice very Disney also. No complaints for me. I always have a softer spot for Disney princesses becoz i'm a Disney Princess myself. I love all my sisters.

I should give some credits to Lummiere also. The candle man you know? Oh he was so confident on stage. Very flamboyant with his French flavour...very tight pants...very pondan also. I like! Tapi he straight coz he syok the female feather duster.

Then there was Chip. The little teacup you know? Such a darling. To all directors out there reading this, mak kasi tips sikit. However bad your show is, you can salvage the show by just putting a cute innocent child actor. Or a puppy if you can't get a little boy. Audiences will always have a soft spot for cute lil' children or animals. Though his part was quite little, this little Chip never fails to charm the audiences. I even heard a distinct "Awww...." from everyone when the spell was broken and the actor came in as a boy looking so cute in his night shirt and hugging Mrs. Potts. Sosweet!!! (must say fast fast in high pitch; if still cannnot, ask Jules to teach)

I was quite let down with the orchestration as well. Apart from all the mandatory songs from the cartoon version, they even added some new tracks. Tapi all the new songs like so not nice. See today is the next day only, i forgotten all the songs already. And the arrangements itself is so empty. Blerrrgh....
Dengan itu sekianlah my review for this Enchanted Musical. To those who are going to watch....Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! (Points at face)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Sybil @ The Actors Studio

Last 2 night, i dragged invited Cat along to watch a theatre with me. This show was entitled Sybil and it was directed by my very very respected ex lady boss, Faridah Merican herself; who still remembers me when i said Hi to her. Lau niang so terharu okeh! Well she HAS to remember me i suppose. I was the only intern who actually dared to bitch about my job.

ON PAPER. Oh i am all about provocating. Ha ha ha ha!

And crazily, Faridah ACTUALLY decided to publish it on the newsletter which was circulated nation wide. Gila tak.

I got really intruiged reading the sypnosis alone. As soon as i read it, I told myself "I gotta watch this!". If you're too butt lazy to check the link, basically the story is set in the Japanese Occupation and it tells the life ( but Cat insists that it is NOT about the life of hers. It should be interogation only. Dia geram! Ha ha ha!) of Sybil Kathigasu; a real character no less. She's the wife of a doctor and she was being interogated by this bad ass Japanese General. For nursing British soldiers apparently.

So the whole play is centralized on her interogation process. I had to say...hands down. This is no doubt THE MOST intense play i've ever watch. The script were rather heavy and it demands a lot of concentration and the actions were staged in its most violent glory. The actress who played Sybil is no less a weak, frail looking middle aged woman in her mid40s or even 50s i suppose. And throughout the play, she was actually tortured in the most vivid manner.

Oh yes. It felt like watching a stage play version of Kill Bill. Or the infamous Saw series. Hostel. Ok lah, not hostel. They didn't butcher people on stage lah. But still it was quite brutal for a stage performance. The actress had her hair yanked several times, slapped, punched, thrown off her chair with her hands tied, stepped on, kicked on, and get this: even had her eyes gauged. Her lingering screams of pain echoed in the hall and it gave audiences this sense of tension. Very very clever.

The cream of the show had to be the epilouge part i suppose. A lenghty video presentation of the real woman herself was screened. It showed pics of her grave, tortured victims of the Japanese War, and other relevant pictures. The video was screened WITHOUT music and the whole hall was actually in pin drop silence. I can feel the intensity myself and when all the actors came out for a humble curtain call, they received well deserved thunderous applaude.

Man i'm so jealous. I wish i can direct a violent play like that as well. When it comes to violence, i dare say i'm more creative that those damned Japanese Soldiers themselves okeh. But i suppose if i were to do it in school it'll cost me my job or something.


Oh...the play is still running so if you wanna watch it, you still can. I strongly recommend it. :D

Monday, June 9, 2008

Chinese Courier Service

Have a good laugh with this Chinese delivery & have agood start today! And enjoy its...Innovative delivery method, the Chinese ways...forget about DHL, UPS or even FedEx!

Enjoy Reading...

A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled when the coffin of their dead grandmother arrived from the States. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeeze dinside the coffin, with no space left in it! When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top; which read as follows:

Dear Cousins,

I am sending Ah-Ma's body to you since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin. Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leaves are consumed. You will find inside the coffin, under Ah-ma's body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu, 10 packets of Swiss chocolates and packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong.

Please divide these among all of you. On Ah-ma's feet you will find a new pair of Nike Air shoes (size 10) for Ah boy. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for AhMei's and Ah Lien's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

Ah-ma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts. The large size is forAh Bak and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves. The 2 new Armani Jeans that Ah-ma is wearing are for the boys.

The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ah ma's left wrist. Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei , Ahma is wearing theTiffany necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ah ma is wearing must be divided among my teenage cousins.

Let me know what else you need as Ah Kong also not feeling well nowadays. I can send all required things when our Ah Kong goes back too...

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Sex Crazed Cab Driver

Just today, i came across the most perverted cab driver i've ever met. He's so crazy so much so i actually salute him. He had such a dysfunctional history you won't even believe me after you finish reading my post today. Here's the conversation we had as he drove me from my uni to Puduraya. I try to recollect as much details as i can.

Cabbie: You belajar sini kah? Belajar apa?

Me: Err...ya. Belajar music.

Cabbie: bagus bagus. Sekarang you mau pergi Pudu pergi mana?

Me: Balik Hometown.

Cabbie: Hometown you mana?

Me: Melaka.

Cabbie: Oh saya orang Melaka juga. Dulu saya tinggal Portugese Settlement. Mak saya serani bapak saya India.

Me: Oh ok....Serani bagus. (dunno what else to say)

Cabbie: Actually dulu saya kerja chef kat hotel Melaka. Mak i suruh i cari girlfren kahwin.

Me: Habis tu? You tak nak kahwin you lari KL lah?

Cabbie: Tada lah.....dulu saya gila tau. I tell you ah, semua pun saya ada buat. Saya hisap ganja lah, main perempuan lah, minum arak lah....semua i pernah try. I banyak tukar girlfren lah dulu, satu hari my uncle found out dia pun bagi tau mak saya. Mak saya tak bagi i gatal dia pun halau saya dari Melaka.

Me: Wah ha ha ha ha! Happening lah you. Wah you datang KL mesti kuat main lagi lah. KL macam macam perempuan ada.

Cabbie: Tada lah, sekarang saya sudah kahwin. Tapi kadang kadang customer mintak so i dapat makan jugak. Baru last week ada satu pompuan indon i bantai. Lawa jugak.

Me: *gulps* Wah...itu perempuan mintak sama you ah? Girls so daring one ker??!

Cabbie: Ini hari punya pompuan all you dunno. Itu pompuan Indon kan, dia pura pura tanya i "Abang, i tada duit lah, macam mana?" Terus i know she want to fuck lah. I tanya dia ada tempat tak dia pun bawa i balik rumah dia. I bantai puki dia lah. Lepas habis dia mintak nombor i lagi. I tak bagi, takut nanti bini i tau.

Me: Wah if like this macam macam pompuan you dapat lah.

Cabbie: Adalah....dulu i kerja sous chef kat hotel lagi banyak. Itu customer perempuan semua i bantai. Cina, negro, indon, melayu, semua ada lah.

Me: Wah terror lah you! Yang mana paling best?

Cabbie: Aiya semua sama lah. These girls all just want a fuck only lah. Dia mau i kasi lah.

Me: Ha ha ha....wah if like that ah, kalau jantan mintak you bagi tak.

Cabbie: Tengok lah, kalau dia ok i makan juga.

Me: *Gasp!!!!! He's a freaking bi!!* (Harus merk pretend innocent dan korek lagi okeh) Wah jantan you pun main ah?

Cabbie: Aiya semua pun try lah.

Me: Bila you 1st time main ah?

Cabbie: (damn proud tone) I tell you also you wont believe. Saya umur 10 tahun sudah start main. Masa itu i tak pancut lagi lah. Ini kecik saja *gestures the thumb-to-little-finger size. Perky's fav size. Larrriiik!* Tak pancut tapi sudah ada feel lah.

Me: 10 tahun??! Siapa itu pompuan?????

Cabbie: Masa dulu kan, ada lah saya punya neighbour. Dia baru beranak then her husband pergi luar kerja 2 bulan balik sekali saja. Kakak saya pun suruh i tidur rumah dia untuk teman dia lah. Satu malam i tidur dengan dia 1 katil, dia raba saya. Then later dia bagi i tengok blue film semua. Then i pun start main dia lah. I minum susu dia lagi. Pasal dia baru beranak ada susu lagi mah. *Looks at me through the mirror and laughs*

Me: *gulps* .........

Cabbie: I main dia sampai I 13 tahun. Masa tu i boleh pancut i become lagi gila. Macam gila puki lah. I tengok perempuan lain saja i dah geram, macam nak main puki dia. Tiap tiap malam i bantai puki neighbour i. Bila laki dia balik i tak main lah.

Me: Wah terror lah you! 10 tahun main sampai sekarang.

Cabbie: Pasal tu lah i tak heran lagi. Dah berapa tahun i main lu kira lah. Lu? Tada girlfren kah?

Me: Tada lah, universiti i perempuan semua tak lawa. (cuba cover cover lah kan) Tak boleh makan. Pastu banyak laki gay.

Cabbie: Eh i bagi tau jangan takut. You try saja. I tell you secret. I pernah bagi laki hisap i tau. Wah dia hisap....kalah perempuan. Dia punya teknik number 1! Very syok! You muda lagi, semua boleh enjoy. You try lah...gerenti you suka punya. Laki gay lagi pandai hisap dari perempuan oh. Dulu ada satu anak orang kaya simpan i tau. Tiap tiap kali i bagi dia hisap dia bagi i duit lagi.

Me: (oh man i so feel like giving him the diva snap and go "oh don't get me started bitch. You ain't seen nothing yet. I'm the MOTHER of blowjobs *snap snap*) Wah you memang happening lah you. Ha ha ha ha!

Before i could dig more, i arrived oledi. This is one sex addict cabbie from hell i tell you. Most entertaining cab ride of my life. Ha ha ha ha!

Monday, June 2, 2008

How To Surf Porn at Work

Hi hi's everyone in the world. Sorry for the quiteness lately but i've been recuperating from work. And i have a week more to go. Jangan marah. No i'm not sick. Choi choi choi. Now is the school holidays tau. So i'm knitting and bird watching and cloud gazing, watching the flowers bloom and dogs chasing after butterflies, reading in the porch while having English Tea and scones over the sunny afternoon.

Ok screw it.

I've been surfing porn and slutting over the net. Ha ha ha ha. But a holiday is a holiday right?

Aaaaannnd back to the topic. I have something very interesting for uols today. To all those people who are stuck bored at work and hating me with envy now, lemme give you some love.

Today lau niang will teach you how to surf porn in the office. Without getting caught of course. Sounds too good to be true? Well you better bet your ass i'm not kidding here.

So from now on, should you have any cravings to visit X tube ker, calvin's blog ker (merk larrriik ke Zulu Zulu island sorok dalam gua bawah laut dolu) you can always do so with no fear. So how do you do it?

Ladies and gentleman, i present to you the most revolutionary invention of the 21st century:

Why you think i'm knitting now?