So i was having a slow and peaceful weekend. I was lying in bed with my iced coffee and the chilly air con running....with my lappie on a lil' breakfast-in-bed table doing my photo editing job.
While watching gay anime.
Its not porn okeh. Just some gay themed cartoon so its no big deal lah.
Not until mommy SUDDENLY pops in with ah niece in her arms going "Baby...see what uncle is doing....coochi coochi coo...."
Ya uncle is watching gay anime. Jangan kacau.
I went like... "Fuck fuck fuckety fuck....faster go away!!! Please don't have any love scenes!!!"
Did mommy go away??
Not only did she NOT go away...she made herself comfortable by sitting beside me. And she started feeding ah niece with a FULL bottle of milk.
You think that is the ultimate horror??
Tup tup tup.....the two MALE AND GAY cartoon characters in tv started french kissing!!!!!!
Lau Niang buat buat busy and very engrossed with my editing job konon konon like i tak perasan what just happened in tv okeh.
After like an eternity of awkward silence....akhirnya mommy mengeluarkan statement cepumas.
" You haven't been to church for a long time hor....."
Monday, July 20, 2009
So i was having a slow and peaceful weekend. I was lying in bed with my iced coffee and the chilly air con running....with my lappie on a lil' breakfast-in-bed table doing my photo editing job.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Last weekend, i had the chance to do a long needed family portrait for my lil' niece. Ever since her birth a little over a month ago, ah niece has grown freakishly so much. See how much she's grown...
Ok it doesn't look that convincing in pictures. But she's huge in real. I put up this picture because its a nice shot only. Ha ha ha ha!
Anyways, it was a very casual but intimate shoot between ah niece and mommy and daddy. They were all candid shots; nothing posey (she's too young to learn posing 101. Wait 2 more years lau niang will train her to walk in 5 inch heels. And spin in them. ) I took under an hour to finish up the whole session (can't shoot too long pasal ah niece tidur mati macam balak. How you tickle her also tak bangun bangun. Gaya tidur sama macam mak. Larrriikkk!)
So here's some editorial shots of Ah Niece and mommy and daddy......
And how can i do without artsier shots. Tak sahlah macam tu kan.....
Really rare to get such angelic combination of serenity, innocence with an edgy angle in a single picture.
So dengan shameless nyer, sapa sapa nak buat portrait dan photoshoot yang vas vas can always e mail lau niang okeh?? ha ha ha h ha ha!
Gossiped by lau niang at 4:47 PM
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Perky is so gonna fry me for stealing her thunder but.....chak chak chak chak.....ada aku keyssahh???
So storynyer like this....about like a month ago....Perky berangan nak baby baru macham Angelina Jolie. After having 2 cats with eating disorder (seriously, perky's cats needs lyposuction and believe me, its not for beauty purpose...larrriiik) Perky berangan wanna have a dog this time plak.
Knowing that my dad has good contacts in dealing with canine pets, she pon assigned me to find a puppy.
One that doesn't hate her. Opps.
One that isn't taller than her. Opps.
One that won't bark at her at sight.Opps.
One that won't piss on her. Opps.
Then came the brainstorming and consultation session. Big question of what is the right breed to get with the right budget.
Finally...my dad found 4 newborn toy poodles. Lau niang ma go and check stock 1st lor. See see the dog come one like....
Toing!!! Aiyo....acelly the dog look ok one but dunno why look so huru hara in picture. I know perky would like her but.....aihhh......how to convince her with such a horrorful pic? Mata kuyu, bulu nipis, expression blank, rambut tak perm.....Look like anjing cinderella yang kotor dan busuk dipungut dari parit lor.
When Perky 1st saw the pic....terus kena label world's most unphotogenic dog. Haah...amek kau. But i keep telling her the dog looks better in real...hoping that she will buy my story.
My dad redeemed the dog about a week before perky came to collect it. And after good food and good bath and good camera, akhirnya poodle menjadi siap.
JANG!!! Muka berjaya dengan suksesnya. It was love at 1st sight when everyone saw Sasha for the 1st time. Yep that's her name. Sasha. Thankfully, poodles are very sociable by nature so there are no strangers to Sasha. She would just jump and prance around ANYBODY. Heck, even my 3 year old cousin tried to dognap her. He wrestled his own mother and cried in a failed attempt to run away with Sasha. Ha ha ha ha! Definitely Perky's kind of dog.
Here's more shots of Sasha after undergoing my Modelling 101's intensive class....
Is it just me or does Sasha reminds you of Susan Boyle??
Gossiped by lau niang at 1:14 PM
Monday, June 22, 2009
For the past week, i have been suffering under what i call THE worst neckache i've EVER had in my life. You know those neck aches you get when you slept on the wrong position on bed then you wake up not being able to look up, left or right? Yeah...
It lasted almost a whole fucking week.
I tried twisting my neck towards the painful side with force hoping that it will 'pop' only to cause more pain.
I tried those Salonpas medicated plasters. Did not help at all.
I tried sleeping on 3 pillows. Did not sleep at all.
It wasn't until i went back to my hometown complaining to Lau lau niang...lau niang's Ah Bu lah. Its amazing how she can listen to my constant new complains every week when i go back. She immidiately took me to a chinese doctor. I was in so much pain i'd try anything. Heck i'm even willing to go to a vodoo shaman let alone a chinese doctor.
The doctor squeezed my neck a little and he immediately knew that i left the pain for a few days at least. He was so right. By the time i got there, my shoulders were already stiff from the swelling. I also had the chance to ask the doctor who or what was the culprit behind my neck ache from hell. And he said either i
a) carried heavy things and dislocated my shoulder (no way this delicate oriental flower is carrying anything heavy so...fail)
b) sit in front of the computer too long (DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!)
Lau niang is guilty of
It was so bad until the doctor said i needed to do accupuncture and a massage.
You know what is accupuncture???
Ok ok ok i'm being a drama queen. But its quite similiar i tell you. Seriously, i did not see an accupuncture coming at all. I was expecting some cream or pills perhaps. But accupuncture?! At 1st impression, i was kinda weirded out, scared but yet excited. It'll be like....getting a new tattoo. Heh heh.
Being the huge sick fan of pain that i am, the accupuncture was of course....very very bearable. On a scale of 1 to 10 of pain...i'd give it a 1.5. But i was poked at some of the weirdest spots. I had like over 20 needles all over my shoulder, neck and...head. I had fucking needles on my head. Its freaking weird.
Then i was left (with the needles on) to bake under a heating lamp for half an hour. Like an iguana. It was the most boring half hour of my life. I din have my phone around to play with and i was scared to sleep. What if i tidur mati, and i started tossing and turning until the needles get buried INSIDE my neck and *gasp* HEAD?? No way in gay hell i'm going to be a permanent porcupine okeh.
Finally the nurse came and remove all my needlees. I thought the worst was over.
Just after that, came along a blind massuer who started squeezing my neck. This is not those sleazy body to body kinky massage okeh. This is massage package neraka. The massuer had insanely strong hands and he was squeezing and wringling and kneading and punching my shoulders and neck in the most unimaginable ways. And i never knew such level of pain existed. At some point, i thought he tried to dismember my arms from my shoulders. With his bare hands. This is no where near the pain of accupuncture. OR tattooing. Yes its more painful that 8 hours of tattooing. I wish i was dead instead.
By the time the session ended, my entire back is so sore so much so i''m distracted by the pain on my neck. Which is still there by the way.
But at least i can turn my neck and the pain somewhat subsided many many hours later. So here i am on a monday night, still in pain, typing my blog and getting ready for work tomolo. Lets just hope i won't look like a hunchback Quasimodo tomolo....
Gossiped by lau niang at 11:57 PM
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Last weekend, lau niang got an ACTUAL TASTE of what is it like to be a parent. See my aunt
dumped dropped my little cousins at my place over the weekend because she's had it they're on a their school holidays. So i have to babysit them for the day.
12pm....moving to cultural park.
SO....who's up for a fun fun fun day with the kids? HMMM????
Gossiped by lau niang at 12:58 AM
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Last weekend was a super drama weekend. 25th may marked the arrival of lau niang's very 1st niece lei....! Lau niang become lau aunty jor! My new niece came a week earlier than expected thus causing a little panic in the family...everyone wasn't expecting the baby until the following week mah. But here she is...a week earlier.
This is a shot of her right after labour. As you can see, she is disturbingly fat but healthy. Not even at 9 full months, baby is oledi 3.5 kilo yer. About the size of Pamela Anderson's right boob i think. The poor girl is wet, naked and exposed to the FREEZING temperature of the OR. Seriously i didn't know an OR is THAT cold. You can freeze meat inside lor. Tapi ada aku keysah? Cold or not tetap i stop the doctor so that lau niang can photoshoot ah niece 1st okeh. 1st meet is very signigicant must take picture one okeh!
Right after ah niece got cleaned up, she fell fast asleep. Thankfully she's quite a peaceful baby. She's never cried in front of lau niang before. Smart of her....mak dah siap bawak rotan to hospital in case she cry for no reason, lau niang will rembat okeh...but she's rather mischevious. See she sleep also nak main bubble. Hish!
On the next day, ah niece started feeding oledi. My sis tried feeding her nen nen but gagal dengan dahsyat. Not because my sister got no nen nen but Ah niece still dunno what is nen nen and why does it keep rubbing against her tiny face. So the nurse fed her instead. Using bottle not her own nen nen i hope. Very disturbing thought. I dunno why is Ah Niece is frowning after feeding here. I think maybe the nurse fed her Susu Pisang HL. Remember the horror??
Anyways, we are all very happy and we can't wait to bring Ah Niece back home. So much to be done. Must teach her how to catwalk in heels lah, must teach her to speak Prada lah, must teach her how to do high fashion pose lah.....wah lau niang is damn busy okeh!
Oh and about the tattoo on my tummy, thank god the mark is all gone oledi. Berkat all your laser and prayers ( sapa laser sapa doa tau tau sendiri okeh, we don't point fingers...tunggu saja tuhan menunjukkan kuasa) my mark also heal jor.
See.....my tummy back to normal original condition again. Nice nice again no more zebra jor. :D
Gossiped by lau niang at 10:59 PM
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Today lau niang did a new tattoo. Sebab tak nak kalah to Dan Henry. Memang vicious hasad dengki kan.
But lau niang TERRRRbuat the tattoo. Dinch realize. Accidentally.
How did it happen????
Let's rewind the day back to a few hours earlier. 4.30 PM. T'was a bright sunny evening. Weather is marvelous for a dip in the pool. So that's what i did lor. Lau Niang terus pakai my 2 piece bikini and sasha fierced to the pool for a nice dip and tanning session.
The weather was just so so nice. I lied on my back and my right arms and legs were paddling lightly in the pool. I could feel the warm heat of the sun on my back. The heat was so pampering, subtle and not the scorching type. It was just the kind of winding off i needed badly from a long day's work. I started drifting into my own mind just being there enjoying the cooling waters and warm sunny evening and zzzzzzzzzz..................
Yes i fucking fell asleep. Beside the pool. Like a sea lion.
Tup tup tup i woke up and saw my watch its already past 6pm. I LITERALLY slept like AN HOUR AND A HALF by the pool! Without changing side! I was still in the exact same position when i woke up and guess what happen?
This picture was taken at 8pm. Over 4 hours later. And the marks are still there! What if i am permanently scarred?!? Matilah i have to die as janda nyonya tua zebra. How to kahwin Ken Watanabe like that....apom pun kena off light so sad you know. Doctor Crab also tak hadap.
Worst thing is i dunno if anyone was there while i was asleep. What would they think....what will you think in your mind if you see someone snoring by the pool? I so scared got auntie auntie passing by the pool and they start whispering about lau niang.
" Aiyer so kesian this boy....nude and homeless....have to sleep in swimming pool. Ah boy you dont go near him wait you also will become like him. You want to be homeless and sleep at swimming pools mou? If not then better study hard hard...."
Like seriously. Have you ever met a greater idiot. Only lau niang is capable of such things. Not that its something to be proud of.
Sapa nak sponsor SKII scar removal whitening cream with pitera that causes Sammi Cheng to go "Poink Poink" (on her face, not henjot atas katil, please dun be so hamsap) to lau niang?
Gossiped by lau niang at 7:35 PM
Monday, May 18, 2009
Lau Niang so so terharu today. Got my friend gimme very voge da vass present you know! Today got one of my friend gave me a bottle of perfume that i've been drooling over but can never afford to buy myself.
Its none other than:
Haaa......kelass tak. And please hor....is not sample bottle okeh. Its the 1.5 litre one hor. Ok lah maybe not 1.5L but its the biggest size okeh. I know its only a perfume. Not a big deal but this really means something to me lor.
You see, this is actually my very 1st bottle of perfume. I never use scents before all along. Hah...rahsia terbongkar. I have some personal reasons though. First off, i can never distinguish the scent of all the so many available perfumes in the market. I know there should be a difference but i just didn't bother to test test the smell.
Why i takda keysah? Pasal mak tak mampu. Very kesian case but that is the truth. 1 bottle of perfume costs hundreds and with that money i can feed 5 somalian families. Ok maybe i'm not Mother Theresa but still, i can use that amount of money for something more important or productive lor. That's what i always thought; that's why until now tak pernah pernah beli perfume.
So how did lau niang came to like armani's code black?
Let's rewind all the way back to last Valentine's Day. That day hor, a friend from singapore visited me. We went shopping and he treated me to a posh japanese dinner and even bought 4 pairs of private structures for me.
Please jangan dengki i have generous friends and you don't okeh. After we shopped for my panties, he took me to the perfume department coz he wanted to buy a perfume for his bf. Lau Niang ma follow lor. So i was just loitering about until i was suddenly drawn to the Armani counter. Bukan pasal perfume wangi. Pasal the counter got giant poster of abang topless yang sweaty. Tup tup tup the promoter gave me a strip of paper to smell. Lau niang ma smell lor.
I didn't know what brand was the scent but it really intruiged me. Smelled kinda fruity and musty....i actually liked it. I asked about the brand and found out its an Armani Code and only to discover that it costs like RM180 for the small bottle. Wah lau!
My generous friend actually wanted to buy for me already but i too segan lor...coz he alrady spent like how many hundred on dinner and my panties. So i went home full of panties but perfumeless that day. Kinda cursed myself for being so stupid to reject such an offer. But i tak sampai hati to spend my friend's money like that mah.....
And because Lau Niang is maha pengasih and penyanyang yang disayangi oleh tuhan and everyone, god also bless lau niang....chun chun this friend of mine present me the very same brand that i've been lusting over for so long.
VERY TERHARU OKEH.....!!
Is box set some more lei...inside got perfume size nala plus deodorant of the same scent. My ketiak will wangi for the next whole year. Ha ha ha ha! Oh and inside the box got free sample also. The name Gio de Acqua....very refreshing smell also....lau niang suka.
Who wanna present me Gio de Acqua??
Hint yang sangat tak malu.
Gossiped by lau niang at 11:29 PM
Monday, May 11, 2009
Have you ever come across individuals who just has this OBSSESSED NEED to be better and above than everyone else? Simply put, i am talking about people with "kiasu" attitude. Popularly coined by Singaporean culture, this terminology simply refers to individuals who are extremely competitive and always makes a point that if someone has something, you must have it too. A bigger and better one.
Even if it means MAKING UP STORIES.
"You got house in US i got mansion in Canada. "
"You just earned your 1st million, I'm already a MULTI millionaire. "
"You got 100 for all subject, i also got 100 AND i'm president of my club and uniform unit."
Shits like that you know? I am sure everyone must know AT LEAST 1 person of such behaviour. This is not a personal attack against anyone in particular let me make clear first. Its just that i've been bogged by so many of such similar people for the past month it actually makes me wonder.
I've come across such people at work, in my social circle of friends, and yes....even relatives. It literally saddens me to see people living in such denial.
Why try so hard to be someone you're OBVIOUSLY NOT in a pathetic desperate attempt to impress others? End up smearing shit in your own face making yourself look even more ridiculous than you already are.
Why must one INSIST to be smarter or richer or more successful then the rest? Ultimately, there'll always be someone richer or smarter out there. Kau lawan kaya with Oprah Winfrey or Bill Gates lah if you really that rich.
Can't these people just come clean and simply admit that they are just as 'regular' as the rest and not boast about your non-existent inheritence or paper qualifications? If kena kantoi you don't own any of those at the end of the day kan lebih malu? Nobody will look down on you if you are not rich or whatever lah please.
The other thing i noticed about such people is that they are VERY CLEVER in dodging and making excuses if you ask any further about their assets. Lau Niang give you one classic example okeh:
Kiasu: I got house in Gold Coast you know....
Friend: Wah so nice...when you wanna show us your place?
Kiasu: Oh cannot coz i rented the house out...got people staying there.
This is what i mean lor. They will tell you they own a whole continent or they have 20 million dollars but somehow or rather you will NEVER get a glimpse of it.
"Oh you must have heard wrongly.....i never said that."
Gossiped by lau niang at 7:03 PM
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Lau Niang heard a very kesian but funny story from a colleague few days ago. She is currently dating an ex policeman and this story is about the ex police man's best friend.
Apparently, that guy loves banging Mak Nyah yer. One fine night, he found himself very horny so he went to Chow Kit road to find Mak Nyah. Then get this; right in the middle of the night, he drove that Mak Nyah to a deserted chinese graveyard somewhere in the outskirts of KL and they did it there!
This is not the keji part. He made the Mak Nyah strip habis habis and he merely unzipped himself only. Never take off any piece of clothing also. Demi nak buat business, the Mak Nyah pun rela sajer. So keji kan? kan?
This is still not the keji part okeh. Ya...it gets worse. When he is finally done with the Mak Nyah, he just threw money at the Mak Nyah.....
And he drove off.
With all of the Mak Nyah's clothing as well.
Yes....the poor Mak Nyah was left stranded stark naked in a deserted chinese graveyard in the middle of the night okeh. The poor Mak Nyah have to lari bogel terkangkang kangkang chasing after the car but naturally she couldn't keep up lah. Last last really stranded bogel in the graveyard.
Question: What would you have done if you were driving pass a chinese graveyard in the middle of the night and suddenly you see a naked Mak Nyah with smeared make up and after sex hair running after your car screaming for help????
Gossiped by lau niang at 9:24 PM
Monday, April 20, 2009
Gossiped by lau niang at 11:49 PM
Friday, April 17, 2009
The past few months has been spent in solitude. Being well hidden from blogosphere, lau niang had pratically no life. Serious shit okeh.
Work has been really merciless....
My masters dissertation feels like i'm in an ultra gory Quentin Tarantino movie....
With both conditions in hand for me to juggle, i had no time for other things at all. Except for my new found love, photography. Heh hehe....i've started to pick things up quite seriously lately and i''ve accepted a few wedding jobs. Things are looking pretty exciting ahead....
So that's what i've been doing the whole time. Working. Studying. Editing pictures. All by myself.
I was pretty assured that Ken Watanabe is going to ditch me for some young bimbo and i'm going to die an old maid already. Not until Joe invited me for dinner. Not just any dinner. This dinner meant something. To me at least. Joe has been a very nice friend i've known for a couple of years but due to time constraints, we hardly had the chance to meet up. But we remained in touch nevertherless.
And yesterday, Joe invited me over to his place for a dinner that he prepared himself. Now that's a first for me i gotta tell you. I've never had anyone cooked for me (except for mom and gramma) in my whole life. And what a blast i had. For a guy, the dishes he prepared was really impressive. Out friend even made terung...knowing that i love them very much. Heh heh!
T'was a very very sumptious 3 course dinner with soup even. The evening was very quiet and peaceful and we had a very good time watching animes ( My 2nd love interested now aside from photography. I on the way nak convert perky dah..claymore claymore...) after dinner. Its just the kind of break i need from all the pressure of work and studies.
Everything just seems.....nice to me. It was just small gestures but it left me feeling warm and fuzzy all night long.
Thanks for the wonderful dinner Joe.....really appreciate it. :D
Gossiped by lau niang at 12:52 AM
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Kechantiqan Sasha Fierce teramatlah sangat sehingga Mak Nyah dari Pat Pong turut memendam rasa deng deng jeles.
Jantan: Sori stoberi....i tak taste fomfuan acelly. I taste kebaya you sajer. Fierce sangat. You rasa ada tak size mak?
Akan tetapi....jantannya sangat persistent. TETAP nak pakai kebaya merah Sasha Fierce sehhinga sanggup menjadi stalker.
"Eh hello! I dah kater jangan ikoot merks lagi okeh....you memang tak carry kebaya. Ko pakai jer baju kurung...jangan lawan kehendak Tuhan okeh...kalo tak....."
"MERK MANDREM UOLS NANTI!!"
Dan Sasha Fierce pun get over it dan kembali menunggu shuban tulennyer dengan gaya posing high fashion......
Gosh its sooo good to be back blogging again! How is everyone in the world doing? Lau niang is absoolootley fine :D been busy with work and studies lately but there isn't one day that went by where i don't miss blogging.
As you can see, i have been doing a lot of photo shoots for lots of people. Paul and Lisa here were such great sports and really fun to work with. And no....the little picture story is not real okeh....biasalah....kerja i kan shit stirrer.
More shits to stir very very soon.....keep reading!
Gossiped by Lau Niang at 10:46 PM