Monday, December 17, 2007

Shooting Ping pongs in Patpong

The long long long long awaited post.......night life in Bangkok. Sorry for the long wait lah nyah, mak lazy busy tau. Ops. As mentioned, i was with 3 female colleagues during this trip. So no gay bars and agogo boys for me this time. Huh huh.....only got kipap bar jer. Allergic mak. Ha ha ha!

But still it was quite a fun experience no less. Really an eye opener.

So this is Patpong area. Really looks like a mini Vegas there....only thing there's no casinos. Only made up of titty bars. I had the manager of my school canteen's company toured the 4 of us there. Really an awkward company. But what the heck.

My first visit to a titty bar. Man i have so much to bitch i dunno where to start. Being teachers, naturally the girls have never been to such places, and the closest thing i've been to compared to this are gay bars. And they're quite different i tell you. Oh we were such virgins there. Ooh-ing and aah-ing at all the lights and women.

Then we went to what people would call a ping pong show there of course. The women there would pull all kinds of horror stunts wif their kipap to wow all the horny ang moh audiences. I tell you, Dean Cain should have been there to do a coverage for Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

So we went in to this bar like an hour earlier before the show started. We ordered our boozes and had a little chit chat whilst all the girls were just gyrating in skimpy bikinis around the poles on the stage. Me and my hags were busy commenting on how flat that girl's boobs are, or how the other girl on the right looks like an elephant seal.

Got one girl winked at me and try to main mata i buat duh only. She must be so disspointed. Sorry lah nyah, mak allergy kipap.

And finally the show started. Its quite a freakshow. Really. All the performing girls took their turn to go up on stage to do their stunts. And all of them would start off with a lil' dance and then they would roll down their lil' panties and tie it into a cute lil knot on either side of their thighs. So pro. All of us was so impressed. One of my colleauges told me she wanna learn also. Ha ha ha!

So the 1st girl went up.....with no props. And we were wondering what she gonna do. To our horror, she pulled out a string of blades from her fefet! And its not just 1 or 2 blades...a string of it! And to further prove its real, she slashed some papers with random pieces of the blades. I could clearly hear some girls squealing in horror.

Then suddenly the whole bar went pitch black and those blue UV lights were turned on. This girl in white bikinis; looking all so flourescent came up the stage and pulled out ribbons from her fefet. And they were flourescent ribbons! She pulled and she pulled and she pulled. I dunno how many metres she had inside there. It was so long she can actually tie around 4 poles and make a huge flourescent web!

Then got christmas special. They really announced one. This girl actually pulled out a string of lighted christmas balls from her papap. And they were thorny! And there so many other stunts. One could stuff a pen in and write your name. Another can blow whistle with it. Then came one who shoved a tube in it and inserted darts to shoot and balloons and blow off birthday cake candles.

Then at long last, came the sex shows. We were all so excited to see people having sex on stage. Turn out it was so hilarious. First there was a regular straight couple. The man is so old and horror but his body still ok lah. He was so horror my colleagues were laughing out loud at him. I couldn't help laughing either.

Both the man and woman looked so bloody bored when they were having sex. If that's what you can even call it. The man can even look left and right at the audience while humping the girl. And the girl was rolling her eyes waiting for it to be over the whole time. Such a turn off lor. And to make our money worth we stayed back to watch repeats. And the very same couple came out again. To my shock, they did everything in the same sequence! Step by step all properly choreographed. No wonder they were so bored. Ha ha ha!

Then came the lesbian sex. They just went on stage and made out. The normal fondling and tit kissing all those regulars lah. But they ended the show with a bang. Literally. As the grand finale, the 2 women banged their tits and tummy together, creating a really loud POP. EVerybody was bursting in laughter i tell you. So funny.....even after the show we pop pop pop everywhere and just laugh ourselves silly.

After the whole show, there were girls lining outside the bar, waiting to be picked up by horny uncles some more. Very good marketing strategy lor.

I remember last year i had a personal encounter. So horror. My gay fren took me to an empty titty bar just out of curiousity. Why is it empty? Coz its smack in the middle of a gay district. How stupid is the boss. Then got this 40+ aunty who did a personal show for us; coz we're the only customers there. Ha ha ha!

She inserted a banana inside her fefets yang longgar oledi ( it was so effortless to put in!) and she aimed and shot the freaking banana at me! Once again, there was a loud pop. I tried to elak but still kena my green crocs. So geli lor. Then she came down; still without her panties on....and ask tip from me. With her fanny like 2 inches away from my nose.

I was so panicked i din know what to do. I just gave her 20 baht. That's like a measly rm2 here. Ha ha ha ha! She so geram at me she stomped her foot and spoke in thai. I think she was cursing me. She showed the money to the mamasan and everyone laughed at her.

I was so scared i left without even finishing my beer........

Next up: Lau Niang goes for a massage. Jeng jeng jeng...............

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Shopping Frenzy in Bangkok

Hello people, lau niang got another travelogue this time. Forgot to tell you, lau niang went to the mystical land of Bangcock for the past 5 days. Acelly hor….this is my second trip there. So this time round….i had to play tour guide to my 3 other colleagues who have never been there. Me……the famed ratu sesat…..a tour guide.


Anyways, Bangkok has always been my all time favourite place for shopping. You get malls like Siam Paragon and Gaysorn ( dun ask me why the name like that) which is more atas than our KLCC. Siam Paragon is so atas it actually has a Lamborghini boutique….that sells the cars! I’m not talking bout’ key chains and notepads here. If you have enough money you can even buy the Lamborghini cash and carry. Macam like Tesco like that.

Lau Niang sempat shopping there also. Mak kan diva. Shopping kat Paragon tau. See my little Paragon bag?

Don’t underestimate this little bag you know. I spent 800 baht for this bag tau. But I won’t reveal what’s in it. Secret. You guess….ha ha ha!

I was fortunate enough to see all the malls nicely decorated for Christmas already this time round. And when you’re in atas atas malls, everything is so voge de vass! Meltetops okeh. Visiting the lingerie department is of coz….compulsary for me. And the mannequins there…meletops gila babs okeh. SO DIVA!!

See what I mean? You dun see things like this in Malaysia you know. There’s another set of 3 mannequins striking a Charlie’s Angels pose in the kinkiest lingerie you ever seen. I tried posing with Charlie’s Angels but 1 of the mannequin collapsed on me when I sat on the platform. I quickly ran away. Jatuh kemaluan mak…..MAAAALLUUU!!!

Then there’s malls and street markets that sells really reeeaaally dirt cheap…..everything. You name it, clothes, bling blings, lingeries, souvenirs….they have it all. The mother of all cheap bargain malls has to be….MBK of course! Ha ha ha ha!

I bought many many cheap tees there and then I ventured to a new area….the infamous Pratunam. I haven’t had a chance to go there on my last trip so I made it a point to go there this time round. And man was I shocked. The things there are even cheaper and on top of that you can even bargain prices.

Women would die happily there. You get the latest trend of handbags, dresses, accessories…in rather good quality no less. And everything is so so so dirt cheap. I bought a few nice tops for my sister there too. Got this very nice halter neck.

Matilah mak drag dalam blog sendiri. Sure my sister tension if she knows she’s getting hand-me-downs. Ha ha ha ha! I bought this other sleek black mini cheongsam. I wish I can show you a pic here. I could fit in to the little black dress but I couldn’t zip up!

Uggghh…..gotta cut down on those tom yams there.

And for myself, oh I bought so so so so many things. I tell you I spent all my fortune in Pratunam and MBK. Just look at the anount of things I bought….ha ha ha!

Crazy innit? And mind you, this is ONLY my day 2 collection. I bought 2 more sling bags and more work clothes, another belt and another bling bling chain later on. But I so malas to camwhore already. My luggage bag is so horror now I dare not even unpack it. Ha ha ha!

Okies….i’m already late for my afternoon nap appointment. Watch out for the next part of this post: Lau Niang got a Thai Massage and visits Pat Pong!!