Monday, April 28, 2008

How To Buy A Samsung TV From Tesco. Without a car.

Kinda tricky innit? But lo and behold...this dear friend of mine had it alllllllll figured out and actually made it possible. Here's how the pro did it.

First off, you call your friend on the day prior to your purchase date. You talk to him in the sweetest and most polite tone and ask if you can borrow his car to load the tv. If you have good enough friends (like me), your friend(which is me) would agree to do you that favour. Did i mention that i was that good friend already? Yeah it was me.

Next off, you head to your friend's car. Then you look around Tesco to browse the display models. You like one but its only available in the size that you're not looking for. What then? Of course you head to Harvey Norman to try your luck and PRAY they have stock there. But too bad your prayers aren't as strong as Mama Diva's curses. (mak larriiik ke Uganda sorok bawah cactus dulu) So of course, no stock also lah. Then you have to head back to tesco to buy your TV. Hold it there, you dun know what struggelism is yet.

When you head back to Tesco, you only discovered that the 2nd available choice of your TV is already pre-booked bt another costumer. What do you do? Of course you pull a sad Hush Puppy face, make up a story to the Abang Tesco and pray your ass off that he'll buy your sad story. In which he does eventually.
Step seterusnya.....

Yes. You push the TV in a huge ass cart and make your way to the opposite end of the huge ass Tesco...banging customers within your radius; thus causing irritable glares but you buat derk jer. Make your payment at the counter and head to the smelly cargo lift.

Next off, you get a few Bangla Tesco staffs to help you load the TV into your friend's car.

They tried their level best to shove the damn huge ass box into your friends car but it got stuck halfway through. They had to remove the box entirely and hold an emergency confrence to discuss on how to shove the TV into the car.
Finally, it has been agreed unanimously that the box should be removed to allow more space in the car. And thus....begins the second attempt.

And this time, they succed with a close call. They smile at you in a huge relief and you thank them in return of course. Then they wave a friendly bye bye and now you're all on your own.

After that, your kind friend drives back home with you seating at the backseat being squashed by the humongous tv. Your friend drives to your apartment and now you have to figure your way out to remove the 29 incher from the car.

Thank god you have more than 1 good friend. No way in gay hell this delicate oriental flower is gonna carry a 29 inch Samsung man. I'll just be clicking the snap button of my camera phone at laugh along. This is a job for.....Mama Diva. He's good at carrying things and opening jars.
Mama Diva: Heck. It got stuck again! It won't come out! How how how.....
Bibik: Ha ha ha ha ha!!! *snap snap snap*
Poporoot: Ok wait hold first then i come to your side we pull it out together.
Bibik: Ha ha ha ha!!!! *snappy snappy*
Mama Diva: Celaka kau babi anak haram....tangan aku nak patah nih...!
Bibik: Ha ha ha ha ha! *more snappy snappy*
Poporoot: Ok it's off!! Sikit lagi nih....angkat tinggi sikit lah! Now we have to go to the lift....
Mama Diva: Mak tak larat dah....bontot aku dah cramp okeh...
Poporrot: Ala very near already lah. 11 floors only....
Bibik: Ha ha ha ha ha!!
Poporoot: Hah okeh...lif dah bukak. Masuk masuk!
Mama Diva: Cepatlah pukimak! Aku nak mampos dah!!!!!!!!
Ding!! 11th floor finally! Ok now to move it to the shelf.
Mama Diva: Wah struggle nyer...!!! Mak dah tarat larat dah!!
After a hell of a srtuggle.....the TV is finally welcomed to its new home...

And that my what we call struggelism. Classic example!

Don't you just love helping your friends :)

* Ps: All pictures are blurred on purpose to create artistic effects. Ok who am i kidding. I'm using my lousy camera phone only. There.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Singapore: We Will Rock You Musical

Oh my's already Wednesday and i'm still so sugar high. I'm still shaking in excitement everytime i think of it. That's why cannot blog. Hands shaking like Parkinson you know. I so excited i dunno where to start. Merasalah uols baca post yang rojak entah hapa hapa today. I'm having mental diarrhoea now so there. I'll see what i can spill in 1.5 hours time before my next class.

So last weekend, i had a short escapade to Singapore with my fellow sisterhood girls. Motive ke Singapore for what? To watch this:

Meletops tak??? This has got to be the most struggle musical i've ever watched but oh my lord Prada. It is so fucking well worth it. Apparently this musical thingy features a number of songs by Queen; Perky say its very famous wor. Famous mah famous lor.

When I was being invited to watch this musical, i was the least interested and i was kinda half hearted; dunno wether to go or not. Truthfully speaking, i'm not a huge fan of Queen. I only know they sang We Will Rock You. And that's about it. Yeah its kinda embnerassing. I know.

But still, i knew how profilic this musical was and i decided to attend it against my gut feeling. For the sake that it's a musical and it's my field as well. If the show sucked donkey balls, i can still do shopping. No hal. So merk ons jer.

And boy was i blown away! I went into the hall not knowing what to expect and by the end of the show, i was totally blown of the seat. Very very superb lightings, an energetic team of casts with heart pounding songs made the entire show a living legend itself. I dun know what else to say. It is just so good. For you people who never watch it....

Kesian betul.

That's all i can say. I dun think they're ever coming to Malaysia as the costumes were tad lil' too skimpy for our local taste and i came to find out that Bohemian Rhapsody is banned in Malaysia? Did you know that?? I dinch.

Speaking of songs, like i said, i wasn't a fan but i was still so impressed. Its quite surprising to hear some familar tunes during the show i must say. They sang the Happy Feet song! I din know that was a Queen song. All along i thought i was sang by.....well.... a female penguin. Pfffft.

I dun wanna rant on. I got more things to spill. But anyhow, just make sure you watch it at least once before you die. You have to. Seriously. You dun know what you're missing.

Then after the show, we managed to loiter around see if can hook up with hot and rich ang moh tourist to snap pictures. And i snap shitloads of pics of the giant lip lap lip lap lulian that Singapore is ever so proud of. Thank God it doesn't smell like real lulian.

Orh....and i get to see the infamous Merlion statue for the first time. So sampat lor. Go Singapore for the umpteenth time but never see Merlion before. Ha ha ha ha! Although there's nothing to hoo haa about, at least i now can tell people i see the Merlion before lor kan. funny story during the show also. You know the ticket so mahai I have to sell my left kidney, pawn all my panties and use up my life savings just so Lau Niang can afford the cheapest seat. And to my horror, there was this family of hooligans from Korea sitting next to us. Bad enough the seat are obstructed view; we sat at the 3 floor and I had to tilt my head so low to look at the other side of the stage, people thought i trying to commit suicide in Esplanade lei. Choi.

Nabeh, those Koreans were laughing LOUDLY and get this- the kids were playing catching in the balcony whilst the kanineh mother and grandmother/mother-in-law/old ku niang were chatting HAPPILY away....ignoring the kids. I'm telling you....God must have created the Korean race to punish the human beings you know. I'm not anti Korean but this is a proven fact. Korean students in my school are no less different also. Same attitude only. Kesimpulannya, you put Koreans anywhere around the world they'll still be the same. The should be shot at sight.

So what happen? All of us marched up together to the usher to complain about the Korean family and what is the Usher's statement?? "Oh i'm so sorry but they're like that because they're not Singaporeans. They're from Korea". KELASSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mak suker mak suker!!!! Tetap nak jaga image orang sendiri. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Apa lagi...merk demand upgrade okeh! And we terus dapat. We pretended to be late comers and the usher showed us to the more high crass seats and that's where we finish the 2nd half of the show...having triple orgasms at the ending. Ha ha ha ha!

And now let me reveal the real struggle of the trip prior to the show. Looking for hotel. Because we spent every dime on the ticket oledi kan, so we have to sleep in cardboard boxes by the park.

No of coz i'm kidding. But jokes aside, that was put into consideration. Struggle kiter kena rounding Singapore siap bawak bag bag lagi cari hotel. Last last we found this reasonably affordable backpacker's lodge somewhere in Bugis.

I never so adventure before lor. I have 3 aunties in Singapore i tell you. One of them kaya raya tinggal bungalow lagi okeh. So i never had to stay in hotels every time i go S'pore before. This time kiter travelling ngan sisters so we join in the fun lah kan katanya.

All this while, i had this weird phobia over backpackers lodges. I never been in one before so i can only imagine like 20 strangers sleeping together in a dilapidated dorm on double decker beds. Then if you very lucky you get balding, fat greasy ang moh uncle sleeping on the upper bunk of your bed with the matress 2 inches away from your face and you pray all night long that he doesn't fart. Only to discover that he hangs his loose brown stained G strings around by the bed rails. You forgotten to pray about that. Then the shared toilet got 30 rotund balding ah peks with dangling balls showering in the open, you kena bogel bogel in front of them also.

Eeeek....mak tak rela lah nyahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

But in reality, its not as horror lah. Ha ha ha. The mind does scary things to people sometimes. So we managed to book a private double room. No need to share room with fat greasy uncles. Yay! Still have to share toilets though. But the toilet no horror also lah. Its exactly like house toilet concept lor. You enter and lock the door, you have the toilet to yourself. No need to bathe with 30 strangers. Yay yay yay!!! But as clean as the toilet was, you know me and strange toilets lah kan. I so kesian lor...lau niang never pang sai at all in Singapore lei. Come back terus sit on toilet for half hour bontot like play doh factory make long strips of plastecine. Very long.

And out bedroom is so cute lor. Its so tiny and cosy...looks exactly like my ex tiny little matchbox Polly Pocket bedroom.

See so cute kan!

But the hallways are kinda creepy though. And there's so many of them. Hallways leading to the toilet. Hallways leading to the exit. Hallways leading to the reception. And they're all so long and dim. And eerily quiet. I always make sure i get an early bath and do all my business in the day time. Dun wanna be bumping into singing ladies with long hair and nails dressed in flourescent white couture.

Oh and we had to stay in a different hotel (hotel katanya) with Perky coz the "hotel" fully book kononnya. And you should see the hotel Perky got. So 70s i tell you! You see the lobby.....i'm still laughing at it.

How antique is that?!?!? I think my has mom has a picture with my dad sitting on similar furnitures....back when they we're still dating! And would you just check those lamps....

Swankified!! Oh the lift is paling horror. This particular hostel actually uses those lift that has the metal grill gate. You actually need a lift operator to open the gate for you so you cannot get in the lift alone. I'm shocked that it's still existed. Lebih horror than the lift from Dark Water can.

And one other thing. Oh i have so many one other things in this post. I flipped through the yellow pages in the hotel room and i never realized how entertaining the yellow pages of Singapore is. They actually have a category entitled "escorts" and its fun filled with COLOURED pages of sexy fake ANIMATED AIRBRUSHED women with the tackiest company names! Its so funny i just have to show you.

But i purposely cut off the numbers so that all the boroi horny uncles who jerks off at cartoon drawn women cannot call the company and say they get the number from this blog hor. Please ah.

Is it just me or is that Mariah Carey in Purple???

Secret Victoria......HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

OMG...that's a really good one!! All in all, i've watch the best musical in this trip and this has been the most fun trip to Singapore i've had as well. Gegurls....biler nak pigi lagi?

Before that lets have a jual pantat fund raising party so that we can stay in hotel rakyat jelata macam Sheraton or Continental next time. No need to stay in Polly Pocket rooms.

Oh my long have i been ranting? I'm finally done. Don't you just feel happy after right after you finish blogging? Its like those after-sex euphoria huh.

Ok i better go now. Too much info opps.


Friday, April 4, 2008

Good Friday in Melaka

Hi everyone.....gosh has it been that long. I am so so fucking bz at work can. No more time for Youtubes, blogging, chatting and even ehm...nap time. I think God is trying to drop me giant hints to repent and start doing my job for once.

So this long delayed post is gonna be about Good Friday in Melaka. No i'm not refering to TGIF okeh. This is the Jesus punyer Good Friday. I think he died on this day or something. And yes i'm Catholic. I hope i wont be sent to hell for posting Good Friday posts like a week after the celebration. Soulful event. Mourning. Hmm....whatever.

So besides chicken rice ball and satay celup, the quaint little sleepy hollow town of Melaka is also actually famous for its Good Friday celebration. Every year on April 13. No wait. Is it 13? eh no. its March kan? omg. When is good friday again? ANYWAYS. Every year on Good Friday this dead town of Melaka would spring to life with throngs of devotees from all over the place who comes here just to worship. The place of worship?

This is the St Peter church of Melaka. If i'm not wrong it happens to be the oldest church in Malaysia also. Built in 1710 katanya. Melaka is famed for having the oldest everything. Dunno why. You see the crowd? Beribu-ribu lemon okeh. See....the church would be FILLED with people all day long since 6am. There'll be several masses in several languages. All catholics would normally fast or at least abstain from eating meat on the day. Lau Niang fasted also you know. FASTED okeh. Never eat all day long tau. Tu kat KL lah...but hor by the time i struggle struggle balik Melaka i so hungry i TERmakan nasi lemak.

But never mind. Jesus forgives. Hmm.

Anyway...the higlight of the whole event has to be the evening mass. It is being celebrated in the most solemn traditional way year after year. No Good Friday will be complete with its signature candle light procession.

See, people would light up candles outside the church and when it gets dark, the whole church would be luminous with a sea of candle flames. Very the klass. But hor...personal tip. Dun wear slippers please. And if you have long hair, tie it. Why? Coz i like to drip candle wax on people's foot and see them jump and i love dripping wax on people's hair. Nasiblah who stand in front of me kan.

Siau meh. You think i so nasty ah. But i kena before lor. Damn pain okeh!

It gets even more exciting when the procession starts. I tell you this church has one of the oldest (again) and the most realistic looking statues. If you look close up, the details are very intricate and it used to scare me when i was little. Lemme show you what i mean.

See this is the statue of the weeping Mother Mary. For all non christians, Mother Mary is the mother of Jesus lah. Yes, i'm pretty sure bout this one. On regular days, she's dressed in purple. This is her Good Friday couture dress. Black velvet with lip lap lip lap sequins. Kelass okeh. And she's tall okeh. This statue is at least 7 foot tall. Did i mention that she's tall?? The wardens would carry it on their shoulders and walk around the churh. And this statue would be behind another glorious statue. The dead body of Christ statue. What is it?

This lah. This statue is suppose to depict the state of the dead Christ right after he was taken down from the Cross that he was crucified to. Again, it has very very intricate details; right up to the wounds from the crown of thorns and the pale complexion and everything. Before the procession, this statue will be put out and devotess would queue up crazy long lines to venerate the statue. Very long line...kalah hello kitty okeh. Then at night the wardens would carry it for the procession lor.

Oh and see....while i was busy snapping snapping....suddenly got very cute ang moh stand in front of me. Apa lagi....i snap also lah. See his face so cute. Look like Frodo kan kan. Oh my god i hope i wont be sent to hell for secretly slutting in curch on a Good Friday.
Okeh focus focus.

Next off, we have this flags or whatever thing they call it. It bears the picture of Jesus Christ and Mother Mary also. And these flag thingys are also part of the procession lah. I tell you a secret. You carry one of this flag and you on those scary mournful Gregorian chants you can scare the living daylights out of Mama Diva. Dunno why he's deathly afraid of crosses and gregorian chants. Dasar pontianak sejati. Ha ha ha ha!

So with all the glorios statues and giant flags lined up, you get a fantastic procession in Melaka once a year. Oh oh oh...i left out 1 part. see the next pic.

This one is not statue okeh. This little girl in the cheapo pink dress ( why is she even in pink i dun understand. Jesus die wear pink. Can?!) is role playing the role of Veronica. Here, this watak Veronica is seen riduclously dressed in shocking Pink carrying the kain with muka Jesus in it. Oh man, i can SO out-veronica her. Gimme that dress i can pose lebih vas than her anytime. Rimas mak tengok...stand there with muka blank jer.

Story in the Bible has it say that she was there while Jesus carried his own cross and walked to the crucifixion site. Out of pity, she wiped Jesus' face with this wet facial tissue perisa Green Tea and miraculously his face was imprinted in the wet tissue. Today, this myth is famously known as the Shroud of Turin. This one merk tak goreng one okeh....really got one leh. Dun believe me you ask Jesus.

At the corner of the church, there's this little shrine of Mother Mary also. People would be seen lighting candles and praying intensely over the shrine.

And that's how the infamous Good Friday celebration is done in Melaka. If uols nak tengok yang real, come next year lah, and you might be lucky enough to spot a pair of Green Crocs with a red Digicam snapping furiously at everything.

Especially cute guys.