Friends Are Forever....My Toenails!

Hello cheedrens….have you been good? Homework all done? Spelling know or not? U ols…u know, I had the most happening weekend tau. My pondan frens got free tickets for an award concert that was to be aired live on TV. And they invited me!! The concert got big local names such as Misha Omar, Adibah Noor, Jac Victor….Misha Omar…..and ugh….Mawi.

Mak terharu sangat u ols. I was so touched, I nearly cried. My friends had me in mind. They were willing to share something good with me. I don’t mean to sound like a drag brag but c’mon, how many of us actually has good friends like that huh? People are getting more and more selfish these days you know. But not my friends. Friends are forever kan, kan!

Bull crap.

After that kan, baru motive come out. Actually…they need someone to drive their fat asses to Shah Alam. And I happen to be the only one with a car. And that’s why I was invited as well. So much for true friends huh. Anyways, love you ols. Janganlah marah….frenemies kan..! Muah muah!! Tengok, mak kasi kiss pinkers lagi. Man I sound so plastic…

Moving on. So we were on the road…and I had to slow down to pay toll. I winded down my window and the cashier was a guy. I donch know what was I thinking but I just went “Berapa ya KAK??” It was like a reflex. Yes cheedren, I actually called the straight looking malay guy a KAK. Malu nyer mak….the pondans behind started giggling and that made things even more awkward. I sped off in embarrassment as soon as the plank (is that what you call it?) lifted up. So erm…if the akak toll; I mean abang!! If Abang Toll is reading this, my sincerest apologies ya. Sorry strawberry…..SUUUMPAH mak tak sengaja lah nyah. I mean abang!

Moving on again. So after getting lost several times in Shah Alam, we finally arrived safely at the venue. We got really great seats, the place was air conditioned, and everything was all nice and peachy.

The evening’s performance was great. Very good song selections, very good performances. Adibah Noor belted her famous single “Terlalu Istimewa” and bagged the champion award. Watching her sing that song live sure feels different. It was really moving.

But I’d say the highlight of the entire show had to be Jac’s rendition of Gemilang. Not just because of her powerful performance, but it was more of her powerful fall. Yes people, our friend were wearing this long flowy dress. She might have stepped on it and fell flat on her face. On live TV. As I quote Mama Diva, “nasib not wig fell off or skirt cover the face…” Nampak Vajayjay wait…or in this case, Vajacjac. Eeuw.

Thankfully, her hair and make up was still intact. There was pin drop silence in the stadium for a while. As soon as she quickly regained her composure, everyone started cheering again and confidently, she went “jangan lah ketawa…” and moved on to perform her song. Hats off to her, man. Wasn’t easy to remain on stage after what happened. You go girl!! For a moment there, everyone thought it was a gimmick. Ha ha ha!

Then there were Misha Omar’s performance. She performed this very nice song Cahaya Cinta. I fell in love with it the moment I heard her sing it. Very nice song with a unique oriental flavour. Got la la la la la la some more. She was donned in a stunning red gown and her dancers had matching costumes. They had very good dance choreography and it was really a mind blowing performance. With that, she emerged 1st runner up after Adibah Noor. Very well deserved. Congrations Misha…!

Tapi kan u ols…that wasn’t the only mind blowing event of the night tau. Something else got blown as well.

My car tyre.

Yes people….my car tyre blew on my way home. I think. I dinch even realize it. We drove from Shah Alam to SS2. Sempat to supper there some more. Then I dropped the pondans back home and headed home myself. Only then I realized that my car tyre meletops. And I don’t mean that in a fabulous way ok. Meletops literally. Here’s how bad the damage was.




Now surely you can’t expect a delicate oriental flower like me to know how to change a flat tyre do you? Imitate Tyra Banks I know how lah, but change Tyre…hmm..tatau. In times like these, we need straight people. So that’s when Perky came to the rescue. Yep, I got help from an original girl to change a flat tyre. Malu kan?? I know!

But conveniently, Perky’s straight buff brother was around. So we got help from him instead. But he didn’t exactly helped me though. He gave directions and made me learn how to change the tyre myself. Now he would make a great teacher. Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach him to fish, he’ll never be hungry again. So yeah, I kinda changed the tyre myself. Finally, I know what a Jack is. All this while, I thought it’s just a type of ass. So yeah…Perky…thanks so much and thank your brother too! What I’d do without you…muacks!

The ordeal didn’t take long. Thanks to his handy equipments…and strength to unscrew the nuts… (Stop laughing you horny bithces…behave!!) The tyre got fixed within half an hour. By the end of it, my hands were all black from the shitty tyre already and there’s no way I’m gonna dirty my steering wheels like that. Can’t possibly drive with hands that dirty. Perky’s hands are equally as dirty so she couldn’t drive as well. No water pipes around.

Then it happened. I had to do the unthinkable. I had no choice but to wash my hands in a puddle. A puddle of rain water!! Omigosh…this is so not happening!!!! Desperation really makes people do crazy stuff. I’ve willingly dunked my hands in a tub of live maggots in KLCC before but I never imagined I had to wash my hands from a rain puddle!

As soon as I reached home, I washed my hands in soap. I lotioned. I moisturized. I disinfected. I dunked my hand in Holy Water. But it still feels so dirty. I’m soiled. I’m scarred permanently….I touched puddle water!!! Yucks yucks yucks!! This is so much worse than changing tyres. Mak trauma tau…..i’ll never get over it…hu hu hu….

I.....touched...a.....puddle!!