Melaka Crocodile Farm

I finally know what i want to be if i'm not teaching.

A Crocodile!!

Do you know how fun being a crocodile is? I only found out when i visited the Crocodile Farm with fellow blogger Jonzz when he dropped by my hometown. Oh yessss....i do make blind dates with straight men as well. And i'll have you known i was rather sick during the weekend also. But dun care....tetap want to go crocodile farm. So that can take pics. So can blog. So you can see. So you will....comment. *Hint hint*

See how much i love you alls. Sick also go hunting for blogging materials you know. How many of us are that passionate and selfless? Howmany howmany?

So what is so fun about being a crocodile?

I'm so envious of them i tell you. All they do is bathe in the sun all day long. And i lurrrrve sun tanning myself. See, we already have something in common.

And oh....you get to eat up people that you dun like also. I think that's the most fun part. I'm sure all of you have to agree. No need to struggle go to bomoh to mandrem them or try murdering them and end up getting caught by police. Don't like? Just chomp.

Also, i get to star in multiple Hollywood movies! You know how many crocodile movies are there in Hollywood already? People are just CRAZY over crocs i'm telling you. I'm gonna be in a movie with Ken Watanabe as the hero. Oh shit...then he'll have to kill me huh. I'm gonna die being bombed into a million pieces.

No...i'm going to be a frail harmless innocent crocodile who is being hunted by fat and ugly hunters coz they're after my beautiful skin. And Ken Watanabe would be the topless hunky environmentalist who goes all out to save me. See it's so original. Why must crocodile be bad all the time kan. I hope Ken Watanabe likes crocodile sex though. I promise i won't bite.

And when i die...as a crocodile no less....i get to do something noble. I'm gonna donate my skin to Prada and make Ken Watanabe wear me all day long. So i can smell his sweat and feel his warmth....

Omigosh i'm supposed to be talking bout a croc farm eh? How emberassing. So yeah i was there with Jonzz and we saw....... crocodiles. Crocodiles crocodiles and more crocodiles..... *cricket chirping*

Shits....does anyone know how to review a crocodile farm here???

Basically i saw many crocodiles lor. I dunno how many million times i mentioned what i saw oledi but nothing much to say anymore right. As a fully grown adult who had education up to university level, i am almost sure that crocodiles has various species as well. Am i right? I'm sure i have to be. But strangely enough, the croc farm here didn't label the species. So i'm going to label my own crocodile species here.

First, we have the rakyat jelata crocodile. They're commoners. Very fat, just laying down very still and very boring to look at. Hmm.....

Then we have the Tyra Banks crocodile. Buaya yang fierce fierce tu lah. See the eyes....so big and shiny. Memang fierce like Tyra kan. But i still like my oriental-Lucy Liu-almond-eyes. Those big and white jagged teeth also makes them look super brutal.

Then we have the Resident Evil Crocodile. See the crocodile is injured. I'm guessing this crocodile must be either suffering from ADD and he got into some fights with other crocs...or he's just a hamsap crocodile. Maybe a freak accident by a hot french kissing session. But i'm guessing its the latter reason. This croc doesn't move at all. Cannot be ADD. A snail can slowly crawl across his jaws and come out unharmed. I think his mouth cannot move coz he got a jawlock from giving too many blowjobs. Hamsap crocodile it is.

Next off, we ave the crocodile kindergarten. There's this pond where they keep all the baby crocs and they look like big iguanas. So cute lor. I wonder if they cry every morning looking for their mamas....

This crocodile farm very kelass one. Got rumah buaya cacat also okeh. These crocs got no tail one. If they can talk, i'm sure they have an epic story story to tell. Something like "Oh i sold my tail to a chinese restaurant so i can feed my family..." So ker lian hor...

And this....is the bomb. This is LAU NIANG crocodile okeh. It. Is. Fucking. Huge!!!! Its so huge it can eat up other crocs. Like finger food. You think giant crocs in movies are all graphics? There's real ones out there i tell you. It doesn't really show in the picture but it's huge i'm tell you. If there's no locked gates by the pond and the croc promises not to chew me, i'd have gladly strike a Tyra pose by the croc so you can see exactly how big it is. Scary!!!

And then, we have the Diva crocodile. Why i say this croc so diva? You compare this croc and other crocs:

You see you see. Diva or not??! Other crocs have to share a muddy shallow pond with shit water. This diva croc is like Zhang Ziyi from Banquet movie okeh.

She gets her own personal pool with crystal clear water to play with. Got personal coconut tree and landscaping some more okeh. If i'm a crocodile this would be me lor.

And here's something new for you. Do you know that crocodiles have no tongue?? I'm serious!

You see inside the mouth is all pink pink only. No tongue one. I don't see one at least. They dun have hole in the mouth also. I wonder how they swallow food. I can show you close up to see yourself.

And here i'm about to show you my last pic. This is the cream i tell you. If you're reading this at work, i suggest you dun scroll down any further coz its just too violent and horrorfying and scary mary. Not safe for work at all. Not safe for kids also. Not safe for adults also. Not safe for anyone. Dun blame me if you end up screaming in shock like siau lang in the middle of your office and have people giving you weird stares okeh. You have been warned.

Aside from the fact that this IS a crocodile farm, this farm has a "Reptile Corner" as well. I know its redundant but dunno why they insist on making one. So out of curiosity and also to make my Rm5 worth, sure i go and see what its all about lah. And i saw this to my horror (remember my warning uols....merk tak tanggung if anything malu happens ya. Pregnant ladies dont see also!)

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Some staff nicely kept their pet rabbit there. How clever......