Keysah Lau Niang Menjadi Porcupine

For the past week, i have been suffering under what i call THE worst neckache i've EVER had in my life. You know those neck aches you get when you slept on the wrong position on bed then you wake up not being able to look up, left or right? Yeah...

It lasted almost a whole fucking week.

I tried twisting my neck towards the painful side with force hoping that it will 'pop' only to cause more pain.

I tried those Salonpas medicated plasters. Did not help at all.

I tried sleeping on 3 pillows. Did not sleep at all.

It wasn't until i went back to my hometown complaining to Lau lau niang...lau niang's Ah Bu lah. Its amazing how she can listen to my constant new complains every week when i go back. She immidiately took me to a chinese doctor. I was in so much pain i'd try anything. Heck i'm even willing to go to a vodoo shaman let alone a chinese doctor.

The doctor squeezed my neck a little and he immediately knew that i left the pain for a few days at least. He was so right. By the time i got there, my shoulders were already stiff from the swelling. I also had the chance to ask the doctor who or what was the culprit behind my neck ache from hell. And he said either i

a) carried heavy things and dislocated my shoulder (no way this delicate oriental flower is carrying anything heavy so...fail)

or

b) sit in front of the computer too long (DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!)

Lau niang is guilty of surfing porn doing masters dissertation like orang gila over the weekends. Maklumlah ada hati nak jadi successful career woman lau niang pun type thesis non stop. Like from 8pm till 5am non stop okeh. Serious shit. I wish it was sex instead. I guess that must have been it.

It was so bad until the doctor said i needed to do accupuncture and a massage.

You know what is accupuncture???

Ok ok ok i'm being a drama queen. But its quite similiar i tell you. Seriously, i did not see an accupuncture coming at all. I was expecting some cream or pills perhaps. But accupuncture?! At 1st impression, i was kinda weirded out, scared but yet excited. It'll be like....getting a new tattoo. Heh heh.

Being the huge sick fan of pain that i am, the accupuncture was of course....very very bearable. On a scale of 1 to 10 of pain...i'd give it a 1.5. But i was poked at some of the weirdest spots. I had like over 20 needles all over my shoulder, neck and...head. I had fucking needles on my head. Its freaking weird.

Then i was left (with the needles on) to bake under a heating lamp for half an hour. Like an iguana. It was the most boring half hour of my life. I din have my phone around to play with and i was scared to sleep. What if i tidur mati, and i started tossing and turning until the needles get buried INSIDE my neck and *gasp* HEAD?? No way in gay hell i'm going to be a permanent porcupine okeh.

Finally the nurse came and remove all my needlees. I thought the worst was over.

Just after that, came along a blind massuer who started squeezing my neck. This is not those sleazy body to body kinky massage okeh. This is massage package neraka. The massuer had insanely strong hands and he was squeezing and wringling and kneading and punching my shoulders and neck in the most unimaginable ways. And i never knew such level of pain existed. At some point, i thought he tried to dismember my arms from my shoulders. With his bare hands. This is no where near the pain of accupuncture. OR tattooing. Yes its more painful that 8 hours of tattooing. I wish i was dead instead.

By the time the session ended, my entire back is so sore so much so i''m distracted by the pain on my neck. Which is still there by the way.

But at least i can turn my neck and the pain somewhat subsided many many hours later. So here i am on a monday night, still in pain, typing my blog and getting ready for work tomolo. Lets just hope i won't look like a hunchback Quasimodo tomolo....