Saturday, June 7, 2008

Sex Crazed Cab Driver

Just today, i came across the most perverted cab driver i've ever met. He's so crazy so much so i actually salute him. He had such a dysfunctional history you won't even believe me after you finish reading my post today. Here's the conversation we had as he drove me from my uni to Puduraya. I try to recollect as much details as i can.

Cabbie: You belajar sini kah? Belajar apa?

Me: Err...ya. Belajar music.

Cabbie: Oh...music bagus bagus. Sekarang you mau pergi Pudu pergi mana?

Me: Balik Hometown.

Cabbie: Hometown you mana?

Me: Melaka.

Cabbie: Oh saya orang Melaka juga. Dulu saya tinggal Portugese Settlement. Mak saya serani bapak saya India.

Me: Oh ok....Serani bagus. (dunno what else to say)

Cabbie: Actually dulu saya kerja chef kat hotel Melaka. Mak i suruh i cari girlfren kahwin.

Me: Habis tu? You tak nak kahwin you lari KL lah?

Cabbie: Tada lah.....dulu saya gila tau. I tell you ah, semua pun saya ada buat. Saya hisap ganja lah, main perempuan lah, minum arak lah....semua i pernah try. I banyak tukar girlfren lah dulu, satu hari my uncle found out dia pun bagi tau mak saya. Mak saya tak bagi i gatal dia pun halau saya dari Melaka.

Me: Wah ha ha ha ha! Happening lah you. Wah you datang KL mesti kuat main lagi lah. KL macam macam perempuan ada.

Cabbie: Tada lah, sekarang saya sudah kahwin. Tapi kadang kadang customer mintak so i dapat makan jugak. Baru last week ada satu pompuan indon i bantai. Lawa jugak.

Me: *gulps* Wah...itu perempuan mintak sama you ah? Girls so daring one ker??!

Cabbie: Ini hari punya pompuan all you dunno. Itu pompuan Indon kan, dia pura pura tanya i "Abang, i tada duit lah, macam mana?" Terus i know she want to fuck lah. I tanya dia ada tempat tak dia pun bawa i balik rumah dia. I bantai puki dia lah. Lepas habis dia mintak nombor i lagi. I tak bagi, takut nanti bini i tau.

Me: Wah if like this macam macam pompuan you dapat lah.

Cabbie: Adalah....dulu i kerja sous chef kat hotel lagi banyak. Itu customer perempuan semua i bantai. Cina, negro, indon, melayu, semua ada lah.

Me: Wah terror lah you! Yang mana paling best?

Cabbie: Aiya semua sama lah. These girls all just want a fuck only lah. Dia mau i kasi lah.

Me: Ha ha ha....wah if like that ah, kalau jantan mintak you bagi tak.

Cabbie: Tengok lah, kalau dia ok i makan juga.

Me: *Gasp!!!!! He's a freaking bi!!* (Harus merk pretend innocent dan korek lagi okeh) Wah jantan you pun main ah?

Cabbie: Aiya semua pun try lah.

Me: Bila you 1st time main ah?

Cabbie: (damn proud tone) I tell you also you wont believe. Saya umur 10 tahun sudah start main. Masa itu i tak pancut lagi lah. Ini kecik saja *gestures the thumb-to-little-finger size. Perky's fav size. Larrriiik!* Tak pancut tapi sudah ada feel lah.

Me: 10 tahun??! Siapa itu pompuan?????

Cabbie: Masa dulu kan, ada lah saya punya neighbour. Dia baru beranak then her husband pergi luar kerja 2 bulan balik sekali saja. Kakak saya pun suruh i tidur rumah dia untuk teman dia lah. Satu malam i tidur dengan dia 1 katil, dia raba saya. Then later dia bagi i tengok blue film semua. Then i pun start main dia lah. I minum susu dia lagi. Pasal dia baru beranak ada susu lagi mah. *Looks at me through the mirror and laughs*

Me: *gulps* .........

Cabbie: I main dia sampai I 13 tahun. Masa tu i boleh pancut i become lagi gila. Macam gila puki lah. I tengok perempuan lain saja i dah geram, macam nak main puki dia. Tiap tiap malam i bantai puki neighbour i. Bila laki dia balik i tak main lah.

Me: Wah terror lah you! 10 tahun main sampai sekarang.

Cabbie: Pasal tu lah i tak heran lagi. Dah berapa tahun i main lu kira lah. Lu? Tada girlfren kah?

Me: Tada lah, universiti i perempuan semua tak lawa. (cuba cover cover lah kan) Tak boleh makan. Pastu banyak laki gay.

Cabbie: Eh i bagi tau you....you jangan takut. You try saja. I tell you secret. I pernah bagi laki hisap i tau. Wah dia hisap....kalah perempuan. Dia punya teknik number 1! Very syok! You muda lagi, semua boleh enjoy. You try lah...gerenti you suka punya. Laki gay lagi pandai hisap dari perempuan oh. Dulu ada satu anak orang kaya simpan i tau. Tiap tiap kali i bagi dia hisap dia bagi i duit lagi.

Me: (oh man i so feel like giving him the diva snap and go "oh don't get me started bitch. You ain't seen nothing yet. I'm the MOTHER of blowjobs *snap snap*) Wah you memang happening lah you. Ha ha ha ha!

Before i could dig more, i arrived oledi. This is one sex addict cabbie from hell i tell you. Most entertaining cab ride of my life. Ha ha ha ha!

18 comments:

Fable Frog said...

Yerrr~ OMG!!! you tak hisap dia ker?

Ganymede said...

OMG~~~

There's something you're not telling us. Hmmm... :P

Anonymous said...

Wah! This could be a good opening to a porn story. Hahaha!!! Continue lah! If you cannot, I can write for you. Hehehe...cos my mind is over-flowed with imagination. Kekeke...

So, you got hisap him or not? Don't be shy ler. Lol...

rainbow angeles said...

waaaa... terrorist abih cab driver tu!!!

Unknown said...

all hail the great actor! hailllllll!

how you can keep a straight face throughout I don't know...

But..HAMBOI "takder perempuan lawa at your uni" katanya? cis!

Unknown said...

er, but on another note- this is scary. It just shows that ppl do tend to get addicted to it, hey?

Pluboy2 said...

i think ur story is biased hahahahahaa... loop sided orang kata..

mak oi.. u takkan act innocent.. pasti sure sengaja left fon number at the backseat ker.. tinggal benda ker ... rite.. lol..

Aziya said...

*gulp*..... this is so hardcore.... I takut naik teksi lar !!!

anonymous said...

tiba2 mak rasa teransunk baca post tu, boleh? larikkk...

::airswift:: said...

can't help asking-
grand ke that cabbie driver?

ikanbilis said...

OMG =0

Lau Niang said...

Fable: eeeee.....apa kelass hisap batang cabbie. Puhleeeezz!

QR: nak tau lagi? Send me personal mail i describe further lah. Ha ha ha!

Calvin: Everything is porn to you innit? Ans proudly claim you dun do porn anymore katanya.....tu!

rainbow: But uhmm....that was quite a fun conversation. Ha ha ha!

lyana: Perempuan UM tak lawa sebab kecantikan they alls tak setanding kecantikan merk. When you start fucking at 10, what you expect. I was half expecting him to tell me that he bantai animals as well. Nasib dun have.

takashi: why you say my story biased wor. Tak pun. Memang irs like that. I din leave him any number. Just left him a hickey. Ha ha ha!

aziya: takut naik teksi? But harga minyak naik wor....yg mana lebih menakutkan??

cik kak ketua ict: Wahhh....akhirnya keluar jugak pengakuan ekslusif. Akaks syok abg India rupanya! Ha ha ha!

airswift: Kalo you syok abg india dier kira grand lah. Tengok lah taste you. Merk taste channel christian dior jer. Alagapas tak main thankyouverymuch.

ikanbilis: wait till you meet the cabbie in person. Ha ha ha!

Perky said...

LMAO!!! And you still sat in the cab while he's telling you what a sex addict he is... ish ish ish...

Firdaus said...

wah daringnye that fella. dier tak ajar ke techniques untuk memuaskan seseorang tu? :P

Unknown said...

pergh!!!!

dasyat!!!

this is so like something belongs in a Mastika magazine

Wai Leung said...

this is funny man...

Anonymous said...

apa nak susah nak tambah power mai sini

Anonymous said...

mmm menarik