Lau Niang Chats With a Porn Star

Oh. My. Gkk!!

People, i am doing a LIVE BLOGGING now. As i am writing this post, i am now watching an X tube clip and chatting with a guy. Shut up, lau niang is not pervert okeh. Hear me out 1st.

So this guy....NO SELF PICS.....ask me to show my self pic. No hal. I ma show lor. Show already not enough. Nak demand my cam some more. I asked for his pic again he say dun have. He's discreet katanya. FINE. I just reluctantly on my cam lor. Just being polite kan.

Then hor.....he showed me an X tube. I tengah watching an online horror movie so kan ceong you now. I told him i will watch later but he insisted i watch it now. Very nice one...katanya. I was kinda ticked off already. Its just a stupid porn clip. But ok fine...so i went to see....just to see what is all the fuss about lah.

When I saw the clip.......astaga belakang pintu...tuhan saja yang tau dia punya horror. It was SO SLEAZY!! Bad camera angles. Cheesy disco music background and both of the guys like dead fish....yang kena stroke. The clip 5 mins long, over 3 mins the btm guy lying on top doing god knows what. Fondling and fondling and fondling. Like he's kneading a dough. Buat rancangan pastry ker? How to make croissant.

Oh did i mention it was one of those headless clip? Yeah that's the most irritating type one lor. You know like when they put the camera facing the bed and then all you see is....umm....a fencing tournament. Lawan pedang katanya. Yeah the whole time like that no head at all. Cock head only got.

I remember my cam is still on so i tried my best not to yawn or look bored. I was no where near to being aroused okeh! Then he finally asked me what i thought of it. I wanted to say what i said here already but....i just brushed it off with a simple "ok ok lah..." statement. Then he finally revealed something.

The top guy was in the clip was him!

My god......good thing i kept my mouth shut okeh! I felt so sorry for him. I felt like telling him ala Karen Walker style....

"Oh honey......you poor thing....that's not sex.....*insert sympathy smile* ...no.....i'm so sorry.."

Then only it occured to me. All along the fucker wont even show me a face pic but he sanggup post his own sex clip for the whole world to see. How is that being discreet kan.

I told him off in the face. "You willing to show your sex clip for the whole world to see but you wont show me a face pic....claiming that you are discreet? How are you being discreet??! Planet earth has free access to your butt hole. " And he casually say "I never show my face in the clip mah, discreet lor...."

I CAN DIE OKEH.

Discreet katanya. I cannot tahan anymore terus i bukak blogger and start typing all this furiosly. I dun even know how to respond to him. And then he said the most fantastic statement.

"Wah why you reply me so slow suddenly ah.... (He doesn't know i'm blogging now) enjoying my clip lei. You wanna enjoy with me not? I can meet you up next week then we can have a good time also. Want?"

Oh tuhanku.......i sinfully repent now. I will never drive any engineers up the wall anymore. I wont talk siau siau to chatters anymore. I promise i wont sing Little Mermaid songs in my mind when people talking to me anymore. Lau Niang bertaubat.......

Can anyone (besides me) be more perasan or not you tell me. I chat with him i can pengsan how many times already. Showing me his sleazy sex clips one after another (yes there's more than one but all is sama konspep) and PROUDLY claiming he's discreet the whole time. I began responding slower and slower to him (coz i blogging here) and finally he decides to leave.

" I see you very busy now ah. So slow reply geh? Are you wanking to my clip? Ha ha ha....ok lah i wanna go bathe now. You dun so notti oh....if really cannot tahan just give me a call. We can have fun together like that also....."

I swear i am THIS close to embedding the clip here in my blog okeh. I can do documentry yang bertajuk "Do you know fishes can have sex even after they die?"

Lau Niang cepat cepat pakai baju kurung and shades hitam besar yang cover half the face ala Siti Sifir Along.

"Ramuan untuk dokumetari hari ini ialah 2 ekor bangkai ikan. Mula mula....ambil seekor bangkai ikan. Letakkan bangkai ikan di atas seekor lagi bangkai ikan. TADA! Tuan tuan dan puan puan.....begitu lah gaya dua ekor bangkai ikan mengawan....sekian terima kasih. Jumpa lagi minggu depan dalam segmen Siti Sifir! Satu..kali satu....satu! Satu....kali dua....dua! "

*insert Along theme song and credit titles...*