Monday, August 13, 2007

Some Changes in Me

No, I'm not turning straight. Don't worry about that! Just want to let you guys know some changes that I've made recently.

Don’t worry…I’m not copying Calvin’s post as well. Apa kelas....larrrik! What only Calvin can buy external burners and stop Men’s Health subscriptions meh? Lau Niang also can make changes you know. My changes lagi kelas tau.

Change no.1

Lau Niang bertambah lagi kemaluan. I got a lot of kemaluan now. I think if I were to label my posts, I can actually make a whole kemaluan category on its own. Angel is so enjoying this. I know. Dier suka kemaluans i.

Story nyer like this…. That day…I think it was a Saturday or something. I was taking the elevator back to my home when suddenly this very bubbly and friendly Pakistani/Bangla/Indian/i-dunno-what just slipped through the closing doors and pressed the floor below mine. So kiranya I have a Pakistani/Bangle/Indian/i-dunno-what neighbour lah.

So its just me and him alone in the lift. While still panting from the rush he was in, he gave me this friendliest smile and said hi. Of course I returned the polite gesture. But I smile sipu sipu like geisha only lah. If got fan to cover my mouth better still but I dinch bring. If I smile like him I would look like down syndrome already. Hilang glamer mak.

And he even tried making some light conversations.

“Very hot weather huh…” *smiles again*

“yeah it sure is…” *geisha smile*

Then there was 20 seconds of silence when suddenly a somewhat muffled sound was heard.

“Poo…..oot….”

Lau Niang farted in front of that guy can?!?! I can’t even pinch my nose and pretend to look around see who farted you know. Cannot cover anymore. Malu tahap cipan tenuk! I was just stunned silent and I didn’t dare say anything.

The neighbour just smile meekly and went…

“Must the the hot weather…”

All I could do was just give him a weak smile and prayed that the lift would go faster. Haihh……can’t I just fart in the comfort of my own home…. Baik tak kentut depan class. Lagi malu kan?? But then again, at least I can blame the students. Ha ha ha!

Change no. 2

Ha….this one sure meletopz, nyah. Remember my tattoo?? Ha….acelly.... Lau Niang told you half the story only. The other half is what? The other half is…my tattoo is incomplete actually. Ha ha ha ha! So yesterday I attended my 2nd appointment and had my phase 2 done.


Sakit one more round.


Pantang makan one more round.


Gatal one more round.


Tapi mak cantik sekarang. U ols jangan jeles.

I actually raised the design to my nape. How true are those warning my friends gave me! Tattooing the nape area is definitely more painful than the shoulder blade areas. Especially the central point. I tell you, the pain jolted up and down my entire body. I tried reading to distract myself. I managed to read through HALF the book but I don’t have the slightest clue of what was I reading. It was that bad.

But of course mak control lah…tak lepaskan jeritan pondan ok. By the time my artist is finally done, I felt like I just stepped out of a 2 hour high speed roller ride. The vibrations from the needle were more irritating than the pain. My whole head continued tingling for the next few hours and I couldn’t even eat properly even though I was starving.

Oh yeah….in the midst of my tattooing session, one of the staff suddenly came in and whispered something urgent to my artist. He mentioned something about this customer who wanted to do a touch up on his tattoo that went wrong. Before the staff could finish, the customer barged right into the room. How rude. Dah lah mak tengah bareback mountain…writhing silently in pain some more. Malu tau!

Just as I thought, the man look like some uneducated man raised by Bagheera and Baloo in some Disney made jungle. And did I metioned how desperate he looked? I saw his pleading face and thought “Sheeshh….its just a touch up, why so desperate?!”

The next minute….he gave everyone the rudest shock. With me still in pain on the chair, the staff standing behind me and my artist still needling my nape…Mowgli pulled his pants down to reveal the most unglamorous faded navy blue gutter brief yang dah londeh halfway. I suspect it’s those RM5 for 3 from Tesco one. Nasib I dinch see any tompok or smell any bau kepam. Eeeeuw….wtf.

But that’s not what shocked me. I ran my eyes lower from that painful looking brief down to his thigh….lo and behold. There it was. The fugliest tattoo I’ve ever seen on a living being. It was shit ugly and I finally understood why Mowgli looked so desperate.

I can’t figure what pattern it was even. Definitely not a tribal design. I could tell it’s just an outline of a human figure. With long droopy ears. Donald Duck’s Goofy maybe? I can’t really tell. The tattoo looked so faded and smudged like it was poorly drawn by my 7 year old anak ayams using a marker pen yang dah nak habis ink gitue. And its huge okeh! It covered his entire thigh you know. I went like Ohh….my…Gkk!! Poor unfortunate soul…you're so screwed dude....!

My artist took a brief look and dengan kekwat nyer he just went….

“….the best I can do is to colour up the human and and some background design.”

“How much ah?”

“Rm1500. Make an appointment 1st.”

And with that he got back to my tattooing. Kelas tak….sayang my artist tau. Auuu!! And so we carried on uninterrupted until he finally dropped the last pixel on my back.
And so….ladies and ladies….i present to you….my final masterpiece. You can actually see that my new pattern is darker than the old one. Still fresh mah.
Sigh....kena lagi mak bareback mountain kat blog sendiri....see how much i love u ols!

JANG!!

15 comments:

Jonzz said...

Walao, that is one major big kick-ass tattoo. Definitely you can cosplay as Lulu from Final Fantasy.

Anonymous said...

u pay me I oso dont want to do..ouch! u definitely very brave bibik

ethnwg said...

nice!

rainbow angeles said...

Muahahahaha!!! Siu sei ngor! Bwahahahaha!!!

Ini musim kentut kot... bwahahaha... but hv to give it to the orang yang tak diketahui bangsanyer... "must be the weather" hahahaha :p

Still sakit ka, mak?
*kasi tiup soft-soft*
Ei, tiup your nape la... apa u thinking? :p

Aziya said...

lalala Bibik,.... malu doh kentut dekat ngan orang... tak dapat bayangkan how you manage tahan malu u depan mamat tue.. haha

Unknown said...

sheeesh. where else you want to extend after this? cakap!!!

and remember no prawns, no chicken and no kupas scabbing.

hmm...if i were you in the lift, i pegi plastic surgery tukar muka okeh!!!!

savante said...

Ooh cantik! Kita suka!

Ganymede said...

Wah dem cun siot!

Mase tattoo tak kentot ke. :P Hehehheeh.

Lau Niang said...

jonzz: Now i just need to set rambut tinggi tinggi and get a grey mink dress...you got not? hmm....

bengbeng: i sure am. When it comes to tattooing. Dun show me chicken pls. Pay me money also i dowan see.

Ethnwg: Why thank you darling... ;p

angel: you try kentot in lif also lah...what would you do? ;p my tattoo now stilll pedih pedih a bit lor. Cannot tiup. Can oly angin angin with a blank cheque ;p

aziya: Dun worry babeh...mak cawfidence! Tau lah aku cover...walaupun malu giler. But then again, i've had more malufying moments. Read up my archive, you would know....

lyana: err err err....nih tatoo terakhir. Mak sumpah!! Plomise! Dun worry lah, karang i dah pakar jaga tattoo u knows. See my back part, no need touch up also, still cantik aper.

Kalo everytime mak kena malu kena buat plastic surgeri koleksi muka mak boleh buka exhibition dah nyah...

savante: Of course. i have kelas you know... ;p

queer ranter: masa tattoo nak terkentot terberak terkencing. But i control everything jer...

Anonymous said...

takde terence ker bik? kimsalam kat die lehh haha.

Chen said...

waiting for your kemaluan category
hahhahhaa...

o.O
itu tattoo manyak besar woh
any more sakit?
tiup more angin (using hair dryer can ah? :P)

Evan Owens said...

Vivik, thanks for the truly nice guffaw that I had from reading your story! :P

I had a crush on a cute tall guy that went away after he farted loudly in the toilet (not knowing that I was in one of the cubicles...)

Btw, nice tattoo! And nice backside too... :)

Unknown said...

Uahh... you can really take the pain, mann!

Lau Niang said...

laukmasin: takder takder! tuh mak punyer. Ha ha ha!

chen: You tiup tiup wait terhantuk kepala Angel coz she also like to tiup. Ha ha ha!

Evan: So you have a thing for farting guys as well ah? ha ha ha!!! And umm...bila masa i posted gambeh backside mak? tau jer my backside cantik????

bernard: For the love of beauty i can take anything. Ha ha ha!

::airswift:: said...

wah lucky i went jalan jalan first while u did the tattoo.
if not i also have to witness the guy in the blue brief.